10 guys are lined up in a row.
You and your best girlfriends are each given a slip of paper.
It’s time to vote.
First, write down the guy you think is the best looking.
Next, write down the guy you’d most like to spend time with.
(They can be the same guy.)
Now, compare your answers.
Do you think your answers will match your girlfriends’?
Not Everyone Wants to Date the Same Guy
It turns out that most of us can agree on who is better looking.
Just flip through any celeb magazine. It’s obvious why some guys are famous.
These guys won the genetic lottery. Their facial features are masculine and symmetrical. Their bodies are muscular and fit. Add a cheeky grin, and women swoon.
Even though most of us can agree on who is the most attractive, it turns out that we have very different views on who we’d most like to date.
Some women are turned off by conventionally attractive men.
They’re looking for the quirky guys, the guys with personality.
Other women prefer a certain type: tough, intellectual, boyish, etc.
For proof of this in action, pay attention to the couples the next time you’re at a social gathering. Notice the guys that the women have come with. Ask yourself:
Would you be attracted to any of those guys? (Do you find it hard to understand how anyone could be attracted to some of those guys?)
Not Every Guy Wants to Date the Same Woman
We can accept the fact that every woman has her own mysterious taste in men, but now let me ask you this:
What happens when you flip that scenario?
What happens when you look at the women that these guys have come with?
Are they all conventionally attractive?
Are they all young and curvaceous and blond, the type of woman that men are supposed to go crazy for?
And it’s not because these men couldn’t “pull” a more attractive girlfriend.
It’s because men, like women, have their own unique and mysterious tastes that can’t be explained by conventional theories on attraction.
The Psychological Pull Stronger Than Attractiveness
I’ve written before about why we marry who we marry.
We don’t marry a certain person because they’re the best catch.
We marry them because they represent some aspect of our own unfinished business.
This is why we’re pulled so powerfully towards certain people and not others.
Certain people feel familiar to us. When we’re with them, we feel like we’ve come home.
It’s this feeling that makes us want a relationship with someone—regardless of whether 9 out of 10 women would find them attractive.
Spot the Cow Dung
So the next time you come across advice telling you that you have to be a certain kind of woman to be attractive to men—e.g., you have to be uber-feminine, or embody the goddess, or have a great body—do this for me, PLEASE:
Recognize that it’s biased.
The author is giving you their prejudice in the form of advice, and you don’t have to take it.
For example, if an “expert” believes that the ideal woman is a goddess with long hair and a flowing gown, she’ll tell you to embrace your goddess energy.
Meanwhile, that manic pixie dream girl over there, and that warrior queen over there, and that silver-haired Maye Musk look-alike over there, are all happily fielding off men “despite” their short hair and casual wear.
I am going to keep saying it until my last breath:
Don’t be fooled by folks who say that you have to look a certain way in order to have a chance with men.
All you have to do is look around at real-life couples to see who’s really the fool.