She was 96… What She Said About Marriage Made Me Not Just Uncomfortable, But Angry

There’s a sweet video that has 1.6 million views and counting on YouTube.

It features a 96-year-old woman named Eleanor, reflecting on what she learned from her marriage.

The heart is a piece of advice a neighbor gave her when she was struggling in her marriage:

Honey, we all marry the wrong person. The trick is deciding to make them the right person anyway.”

It sounds so good.

Because we want to believe it. All you have to do is stick with it. Things will get better. He’ll treat you better. The love will come back. Just keep the faith.

I didn’t respond the way most viewers did, though.

I just got irritated.

I’ve been in the trenches of love advice for 20 years. I’ve read the research. I’ve paid attention.

And I have seen many marriages that couldn’t right themselves.

Marriages where the woman felt something was wrong – maybe she couldn’t put her finger on it – but friends reassured her that “everyone feels that way sometimes.”

So she stays in a marriage with a man who belittles her, who ignores her, who changes his personality as soon as the guests are gone.

She feels alone and sad and exhausted.

And she tells herself that’s just marriage.

It isn’t.

Marriage isn’t supposed to make you feel lonely.

It isn’t supposed to make you feel down on yourself and ashamed of what you’ve become.

Back in Eleanor’s day, women had no choice. Divorce was financially and socially devastating. So you coped. You were grateful he wasn’t worse.

Women ended up taking tranquilizers in droves. Even today, nearly 1 in 4 women aged 40 – 59 (the age most likely to be married) take antidepressants.

So when Eleanor opens up to her neighbor, summoning the courage to voice her doubts, and the neighbor just laughs…

I felt angry.

She didn’t ask follow-up questions. She didn’t consider whether something was genuinely wrong.

She just told Eleanor it was her job to make her husband into the right person.

Women have always been handed platitudes instead of honesty… reassurance instead of revolution.

Long marriages deserve celebration. But we should also be honest about the cost – and who paid it.

There is nothing wrong with asking:

Did I marry the wrong person? Don’t I deserve better?”

Those questions deserve consideration, not dismissal.

Then I found out why the video had rubbed me the wrong way. I did some digging….

The channel makes videos of elderly people sharing life lessons.

Except the elderly people aren’t real.

They’re AI.

Over half a million women went looking for wisdom, and the algorithm handed them a comforting lie.

Same as usual.

If you’re struggling in your relationship with a man and no one is asking you the important questions, let me be that person.

Go to yourbrilliance.com/quiz and take the quiz.

Just 10 questions, but they can shed a light on whether your relationship is just hard at the moment… or whether it’s crossed a line.

Sometimes you really are with the wrong person. It’s time you found out.