The more your guy has to be “The Man,” the less he’s capable of loving you.
And I know how hard that is to hear.
Because manly men are so darn attractive. They make you go all gooey inside.
But there’s a big difference between being a real man (a competent, capable, responsible fully-grown-up adult male) and having to be THE Man.
Real men aren’t so worried about being in charge all the time. Their goal is to get the job done. If that means swapping roles or letting you lead, they’re fine with it. Their masculinity isn’t fragile; you can’t break it.
But when a man has to be THE Man, he needs you to play your role.
He can’t be The Man unless he has someone to be The Man over.
He needs you more than you need him. Keeping you in a service role enables him to live an easier life. If you refuse, he’ll just get someone else. What’s important to him is having someone in the role, not who’s occupying it.
Let’s look at what it’s like being in a relationship with this type of man… and why he may be incapable of loving you.
The Game He Plays
Men who act like The Man can be quite popular. They’ve often got a number of women vying for their favor. That feeds their ego. They like reminding you how lucky you are. They could replace you just like that.
Some men feel like The Man by playing people off each other. They’ll introduce an ex-girlfriend into the scene to make you work harder. They’ll choose their friends/kids over you to make sure you know your place. They’ll tell you what their sister/mother said about you to keep you from allying with them.
The more off balance and uncertain you are, the more secure and confident he feels.
But he pays a terrible cost for being The Man.
He loses love from his life.
Love Is For Girls
Because love is a feeling – and it’s a girly feeling at that.
Men don’t feel soft, squishy things like love. They feel hard things like anger.
Or they don’t feel at all. They’re stoic, expressionless, unmovable. (Yeah, right.)
Being The Man ruthlessly breaks his connection to the part of him that can love.
Because empathy isn’t macho. Tenderness is for simps. Showing softness or care risks ripping away the dominant mask.
Which is why a study found that super-masculine men often struggle to show up as good dads. Their nurturing side just isn’t as developed.
The Whole Man Is The Prize
Given everything we know about the costs of being The Man, why isn’t love advice getting with the picture?
That fabled masculine/feminine relationship was always a myth, designed to look good from the outside rather than feel good on the inside.
Because feeling good means getting to be ALL of you: the soft and the hard, the strong and the gentle, the active and the passive, the fierce and the vulnerable.
Men who don’t have anything to prove get to be all of that.
Oh, and by the way…
Men who have to be The Man often feel it’s their right to treat their partners poorly. If you complain about it, he accuses you of being sensitive or weak or trying to cause problems.
Sound familiar? Then get my free guide.
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