So you’ve read all the advice about how to smash it in online dating…
But have you ever noticed that it never matches up with what ACTUALLY happens when you go out with someone?
Everyone assumes that you WANT to make this guy attracted to you.
But 75% of the time—maybe more?—you don’t really LIKE the guy and you don’t want it to go any further.
But you’re stuck on this date because you agreed to it and you don’t want to seem rude.
You feel like you should give this guy a chance. Maybe he’s better than he seems.
Sticking it out on bad dates is HURTING your chances at love.
Because those depressing experiences discourage you, dishearten you, and can even put you off online dating for good.
It’s time to take your power back.
Why Do We Put Up With Bad Dates?
I have been on some REALLY bad dates in my time.
The guy who, from the minute you see him, has a scowl on his face.
The guy who thinks he’s hot stuff and doesn’t even notice you except as a mirror to his cleverness.
Or the guy with a chip on his shoulder who thinks all women are trying to scam him.
And what do I do?
I paste a smile on my face, make the best of it, and count down the minutes until it’s over.
That’s what we’re trained to do as women.
Be polite, tolerate it, and just be grateful when it’s over.
And it’s killing us.
This is What Bad Dates Are Doing to Us
With every bad date, we’re getting more and more beat down.
I met such a jerk one time that I ended up pulling down my online dating profile. I couldn’t even go on it without getting this horrible feeling in my gut. This guy had seemed so nice until I met him. How many more snakes in sharp clothing were out there?
That’s the danger of bad dates.
Online dating stops feeling like a safe place to have fun and make connections…
And starts feeling like a slippery slope to be used and abused.
In our normal everyday life, we don’t let people comment on our appearance or make rude comments or reduce us to sex objects. That’s not respectful.
But the minute we hop on a dating app, it’s like we’re ALLOWING guys to do that to us.
No matter how careful we are, we can get swept up by a guy who says all the right things only to be NOTHING like that in person.
In my experience, I’ve found that the guys who are most enthusiastic online—the ones really pushing to meet—are the biggest shape-shifters.
They have the online game down, but once they have you in person they can’t be bothered to make conversation or pretend they like you.
It messes with your head. It makes you feel powerless. It makes you feel like you can’t even make good choices.
So what can you do to keep from being discouraged?
You start ending those bad dates yourself.
Goodbye and Good Luck
You don’t have to sit with this guy for half an hour feeling uncomfortable and trying to make awkward conversation.
You can just say:
It’s been nice meeting you, but I sense we’re not clicking, are we? This online dating thing isn’t easy! I hope you meet someone great.”
And you get up and smile and say goodbye.
Why don’t more of us do this?
Because of fear.
We’re afraid of how he will react. We’ve all been on the receiving end of a guy who feels entitled. He’s a stranger. And, yes, we’re in a public space, but that doesn’t mean he won’t react with anger or aggression.
You still have to walk out of that venue and to your car or public transport, and who knows if he’s going to follow you, right? Or, if he has your phone number, who knows what kind of nasty texts you’re going to start getting?
That kind of fear is visceral. No wonder most of us find it easier to put up with a bad date until it’s over.
But you notice what that does to us?
It puts us in a powerless place.
It makes us feel helpless.
All of which POISONS our online dating experience.
How different would you feel if you knew you had the courage and confidence to stand up and wish a bad date goodbye any time you like?
If you knew you didn’t have to put up with anyone’s bad behavior?
If he’s got a chip on his shoulder, if he’s not trying, then you just get up and say, “It’s been so nice meeting you. I’ve got to run. I wish you the best of luck on this dating thing—it’s really hard!”
And then, if you think he might be vindictive, you block his number and you block him on the dating app.
Because that’s one of the other horrible things about meeting a jerk. They can’t just let things go.
If you end up tripping this guy’s ego, he will use any form of online communication open to him to come down on you and try to crush you.
That’s why I always recommend that you avoid exchanging social media information or even your phone number, if possible, until AFTER you’ve met in person.
You can do your initial communication over the app. The app gives you some protection against unwanted pictures or hostile comments, because you can report them. And that’s going to help keep other women safe, too.
He Is Who He Is
It can be really confusing to have a bad experience with a guy you enjoyed so much online.
Your online conversations were great—why was it so awkward and difficult in person?
Remember that we all wear a persona online. Players have an amazing online persona.
But the truth of him is that man you met face-to-face. That’s who he really is. The guy he presented himself to be online was a myth.
Which is all the more reason to meet up ASAP, so you don’t fall for someone who doesn’t exist.
Don’t be afraid to meet up right away. It’s not such a huge commitment when you know you can pull the plug whenever you want.
I challenge you to start ending dates.
Be the one to end the date at least half the time.
If you want to warm up to this, start by ending dates with good guys. It won’t put him off if you leave him wanting more. Say you really enjoyed your time with him, but you’ve got to run and you hope you’ll see him again.
Ending dates reminds you that YOU have the power.
You don’t have to let online dating HAPPEN to you. You can take the reins. You can enforce your boundaries. And you don’t have to apologize.