You’re a strong, tough, badass woman.
You’re done putting up with games.
If you get into a relationship, you’re gonna call the shots. He’s going to listen to you for a change. And if he misbehaves, he’s outta there.
Which is all absolutely fantastic until…
You meet a guy who makes you weak at the knees.
Correction: you don’t really know HOW to feel around him.
Sometimes it’s amazing. Other times, he acts like a jerk. You’d cut him off, except that the good times have you hooked. He’s just so darn cute. And funny. And fun to be with.
In fact, no other guy has made you feel quite like he does.
So you hang in there, trying to figure out what’s going on with him, trying to figure out if he’s good for you or very, very bad.
Powerful women walk into bad relationships just as fast as anyone else. These women know their own minds and hearts, but end up falling for clever men who know exactly what they’re doing.
Powerful women are a prize for a certain class of men.
These guys aren’t interested in good, kind, nurturing women who have so much to give.
They’re interested in a challenge. Cool, elite, don’t-take-anything-off-anyone women who’d normally never give a man like him the time of day.
These men study psychology and trade seduction strategies with other men, all with the goal of gaining power over any woman they desire.
And the techniques they use probably have been used on you before … intentionally or not.
No matter how well you can take care of yourself, no matter how confident you are in your ability to judge a man’s character, these techniques can have you playing into his hands without even realizing it.
You think you’re in charge and making your own decisions, but he’s guiding your every move. He manages to exploit your weaknesses in such a way you don’t even realize it’s happening.
So what are these techniques? Can you spot them before it’s too late?
Here are 3 to look out for.
1. Subtle put-downs
We all like compliments.
But compliments from a man—especially one you don’t know well—can make you suspicious. Is he saying something nice because he means it … or because he wants to get into your pants?
You can even become quite dismissive of compliments. A man who appreciates how you look isn’t seeing the finer qualities of your mind.
Some men have realized this. They’re not going to shoot themselves in the foot by complimenting women. Instead, they’ve found a more effective strategy:
They say something that seems nice…
Only to follow it with a subtle put-down.
“Nice dress. Did you get it at Goodwill?”
“Love your hair. Your roots are showing.”
“I think I’d really like you. You remind me of my little sister.”
Why would guys say things like that if they want you to like them?
Because they want to surprise you. Knock you off guard. Show you that you don’t have all the power in the situation.
And they’re hoping that their subtle put-down will make you a bit defensive, so that you feel compelled to try to prove yourself.
Once you find yourself trying to make a man like you—particularly one you weren’t even interested in in the first place—he’s got some level of power over you.
2. Testing you
You’ve met an absolutely fascinating man. You’ve been flirting with him for 10 minutes. He suddenly stops you.
“I can already tell you’re going to be really bad for me,” he says. “You don’t rip out men’s hearts, do you? My mamma told me to avoid man eaters.”
What are you going to say?
Of course you’re not a man eater! In fact, you’ll probably spend the rest of the evening proving yourself to him by being extra-nice.
When a man tests you—“I don’t date women who don’t take care of themselves. You’re not a secret couch potato, are you?”—he’s putting you on the back foot.
He’s making it clear that he’s the chooser and he may or may not choose you, depending on whether you meet his high standards.
That’s a challenge no competitive woman can resist. We’re turned off by guys who throw themselves at our feet. We want the guy no one else has been able to get—yet.
When a man like that gives you the reward of his full attention or says something nice about you, you feel as if you’ve earned it. You worked for it! So you value it more. And you’re already starting to get sucked in.
You probably know this strategy already, but in the less effective form of “blowing hot and cold.”
Intense/absence is much more powerful than that. It starts out like this…
He comes up to where you’re standing with a group of friends and proceeds to delight you all. His energy is so fun and infectious that you’re all enjoying yourselves immensely. Then, just as you’re all doubling over laughing, he excuses himself.
Always leave on a high. Never overstay your welcome. Make your audience want more.
Maybe he cuts his dates with you short, rather than lingering over coffee. Maybe he only gives you snippets of his time, rather than spending a whole weekend with you.
What he’s doing is training you to associate him with high energy and intense enjoyment. He doesn’t give you time to get bored. He leaves before the energy can drop.
You feel as if life will always be on a high with this man. Being with him feels like a party, never boring or dull. You crave more.
And, by then, you’re hooked.
(Your Brilliance expert author James Bauer calls this technique “frustration attraction” – because it’s just so darn frustrating.)
Are any of these strategies ringing a bell for you?
Have you seen them used before?
Women can use these techniques, too. But I don’t recommend it. Playing games with each other doesn’t lead to healthy relationships down the line.
For more tips on how to protect yourself, check out my free report on how to spot a player.
You’ll learn about what men are teaching each other about picking up women. You’ll find out why your gut instinct plays you right into his hands, rather than warning you. And you’ll gain information that needs to be shared with your female friends and loved ones.
Read it. Share it. And protect yourself.