No matter what you do, there’s always ONE guy.
A guy who seems great, you’re excited about meeting him, and then he flips on you.
He takes issue with something you said, or he decides you’re not telling the truth, and he goes crazy.
He sends you a massive rant about how he’s the victim and you led him on and ALL this stuff about you—even though he knows nothing about you!
And you’re left thinking…
How did I almost let this guy into my life?
So how do you spot the crazies before it’s too late? You look for these 3 SUPER-IMPORTANT online dating red flags.
Red Flag #1.
He Puts You on the Defensive
Some guys don’t trust women. They expect you to prove yourself before they’ll give you a chance.
They make snide little comments like:
- “Guess you’re not very good at dating, since you’re still single.”
- “You’ve been on here THAT long? What, you’re just playing around, then?”
- “You probably go for rich guys rather than guys like me.”
- “You don’t want to meet up? So you’re one of those women who just wants a pen pal?”
- “I don’t waste my time with women who won’t give out a phone number.”
When a man says something like that to you, your first instinct is to defend yourself. You’re still single because you haven’t found the right person, not because you’re bad at dating. You do want to meet up, but you want to get to know him a little better first.
You think that, once you explain yourself, he’ll realize you’re a nice person and treat you better. Maybe you even feel sorry for him, because obviously he’s been taken advantage of in the past.
But his assumptions about you are a major red flag.
A guy who makes thinly-veiled accusations about you—especially when he barely knows you—is carrying a grudge against women, and he’s projecting it onto you.
Don’t take the bait. If you feel like you have to defend yourself to him, the only thing you need to say is, “It’s been nice chatting, but I don’t think we’re a match.”
Red Flag #2.
He Gets Defensive
Notice the pattern here?
Defensiveness is one of what Dr. John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen, or signs that the end of a relationship may be near.
When defensiveness pops up in the very beginning, when you’re just starting to get to know each other, it doesn’t bode well.
A guy who gets defensive with you is a guy who probably gets defensive a lot. That’s not someone who’s going to be good at relationships or navigating conflict.
Luckily, defensiveness is easy to spot.
Watch for the guy who reads an innocent comment you made and assumes you’re making an attack on his integrity or his masculinity. Give those guys a pass!
Red Flag #3.
He Gets Mad at You
Online dating brings up a lot of ego stuff.
Some guys are super-nice to you until you decline their offer to swap numbers or meet up tonight or whatever it is.
They’re not interested in why you said no. They’re not interested in the potential compromise you suggested. The only thing they’re interested in is taking you down a peg.
Because you rejected them. And they’re not going to take that sitting down.
As women, most of us have a hard enough time saying no as it is. We continue swapping messages with a guy even when it’s clear it’s going nowhere. We say yes to a date out of a feeling of obligation.
But saying yes when our heart says no isn’t doing us any good. We’re wasting time we could be spending on genuine connections.
Saying no to a guy is one of the best litmus tests of a man’s character. Good men don’t break a sweat. They don’t take it personally.
But other men don’t like it when someone tells them no. They do take it personally. And they want to make the other person pay.
Never feel guilty for a man’s rude behavior. It’s not your fault. It says more about him than you.
If you’re not having fun, chatting up a storm, and enjoying each other’s company, then he’s the wrong guy. Move on and find someone who makes you smile!