Ladies, you are making a HUGE mistake on your first dates!
You’re getting dressed up, thinking about what you’re going to say, putting enormous effort into making sure you make a great first impression. The evening will be a failure if he doesn’t find you attractive, right?
But all that does is stress you out, make you feel awkward, and divert you from the REAL work of the evening…
Deciding whether YOU like HIM.
Your ONLY job on a first date is to see if the two of you have a connection…
And connection takes two! You create connection BETWEEN you. So he could be amazing, and you could be amazing, but if you’re not amazing TOGETHER, none of that matters.
So stop worrying about his opinion of you and get curious about your CONNECTION instead.
Some guys just don’t have what it takes to create connection. They’re too busy looking for a woman to fit into THEIR lives.
These are the guys you want to avoid. They don’t want any surprises. They don’t want complexity. They don’t want to have to change their life for you.
How do you spot these guys? Look for these 3 red flags.
Red Flag #1.
He’s not trying to make the experience good for you.
The most basic courtesy on a first date is to try and make an effort. Maybe you knew it wasn’t to be from the moment you laid eyes on him, but that’s okay. You both made the effort to be here, so you might as well make the most of it.
A guy who wants a woman to fit into a box doesn’t care about basic courtesy. You’re not what he wanted, so he doesn’t have to bother. Run a mile!
Red Flag #2.
He says the RIGHT things, not the TRUE things.
A lot of guys know what women want to hear. They write beautiful profiles. They deliver their lines so smoothly that you think you’ve found a keeper. Someone who shares your values, who wants what you want!
These guys aren’t necessarily trying to deceive you. They often genuinely believe they’re good guys. But what they’re not willing to do is get vulnerable. If you ask them a question, they give you a canned response. There’s a lot of words but not much underneath.
If you don’t mind settling for an intellectual connection, these guys can be fun. But if you’re looking for a heart connection, you’ll want to move on.
Red Flag #3.
He’d rather impress you than connect with you.
Some guys think that dating is about impressing women. They deliver spiels about their amazing jobs, their Mercedes, their investment portfolios, their vacations abroad.
What they’re implying is that they’re a catch, so what do YOU bring to the table?
For me, the connection is dead as soon as a guy tells me that he’s a catch. He expects me to prove my worth, or maybe he’s trying to make me feel special for earning his attention. Either way, I don’t play that game.
What I want to see is a man’s heart. Is his heart generous? Does he care about people unselfconsciously? Is he willing to be present? Do his actions speak louder than words?
Real men show up for women. They’re honest. They’re willing to look foolish. They’re more interested in connection than impressing anyone. Sound like anyone you know?