How do you know when you’ve written a really awesome online dating profile?
a. It describes you to a T.
b. It makes you look good.
c. It gets you tons of likes.
d. You get some fantastic dates from it.
Although you might think the answer is All of the Above, it’s not.
The correct answer is d. Just a couple of really good dates proves you’re on the right track.
Why? Surely a great online profile does make you look good and describes you to a T.
But if you’ve ever tried to write a profile that sums you up with a bow on top, you’ve discovered it isn’t that easy.
You could list all your good traits, talk about your hobbies and favorite foods, and describe what you’re looking for … only to end up with the same bland cookie-cutter romantic résumé as everyone else.
Alternatively, you could go for the likes. Keep your words short and sweet, focus on making a visual impact, and watch the likes roll in.
But what are you going to do with hundreds and hundreds of matches to sift through? Do you have enough time each night to wade through them? Although it’s flattering, having the wrong men interested in your profile just wastes your time.
It’s time for a different approach…
One that starts with your end goal in mind.
Start with the End in Mind
Why do you even have an online dating profile?
Is it for entertainment? To check out hot guys? To have something to do when you’re bored?
Or is it to meet a compatible, attractive, and emotionally healthy man for a possible relationship?
My guess is that your goal is to meet the guy.
And not just any guy. You don’t want to waste your time with jerks, duds, or men you have nothing in common with. You want to meet someone you enjoy spending time with. Someone with potential.
That’s the purpose of your online dating profile.
To inspire that compatible, attractive, and emotionally healthy guy to contact you and arrange a date.
That’s the ONLY point of those words you write in the box under your profile pic.
Will those words catch the attention of the kind of guy you’re most interested in? Will he feel excited and inspired enough to write you a message?
If your online dating profile isn’t crafted with those questions in mind, then it’s not delivering for you as well as it should.
Write to Your Audience
Writers have known this technique for eons.
Before a writer even picks up her pen to start her next book, she has a clear idea of her ideal reader in mind. She writes her book to that reader and no one else. And when she goes to sell the book, she clearly lays out her target demographic so publishers can market the book accordingly.
The writer knows the point of her book is to capture the interest of her ideal reader and compel him to keep reading. She hooks him in through her deep understanding of what he likes, what he responds to, and what triggers him emotionally.
Similarly, when you’re writing your online dating profile, the person you should be thinking about most is your dream guy. What would he respond to? What kinds of words or phrases would capture his attention?
But wait a minute… you might be thinking. Isn’t my profile supposed to be about ME?
Yes, absolutely. But you are so much more than could ever be captured in a few paragraphs. You’ve seen so much, experienced so much. You’re complex and ever-evolving. Your personality is as multi-faceted as a diamond.
Whatever you put down on your profile is just fraction of that. It’s not the real you. It’s just an arbitrary collection of impressions about yourself. So why not free yourself from the burden of trying to squeeze everything you are into a box?
Instead, carefully curate what you share based on what might pique the interest of the guy you’re hoping to meet.
Never Stop Experimenting
Once most people finish writing their profile, they’re done. They never touch it again.
When they fail to meet anyone compatible, they blame it on the lack of good singles or the fact that they’re not as attractive as a Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie.
Good thing they’re not in business. When a business isn’t succeeding, it doesn’t leap to the conclusion that there just aren’t any good customers or its products aren’t attractive enough.
Instead, it looks at its marketing. Is it putting its products out to the right people in an irresistible way?
Similarly, if you’re not getting the results you want, then the problem isn’t you. It’s your profile. For whatever reason, it’s not delivering.
So scrap it and try something new!
Get in the habit of experimenting with different profiles. Experiment with different profile pics. Experiment with different styles and lengths. See which ones attract messages from high-quality guys—and try to avoid paying much attention to the number of likes you get.
Lastly, try to not to take it personally. Your profile isn’t you. It’s just a snapshot of you. Some angles are better than others. Some shots need a little Photoshopping. Sometimes you need to go back and do it over again.
When the reward is the love of a lifetime, then that extra care and attention are worth it.