If there’s one problem I’d say every single woman in the world has—no matter where she lives or how old she is—it’s trying to find a love worth keeping.
These days it feels like every guy just wants to hook up.
It feels like no one is thinking beyond tomorrow or even wants to do the work it takes to build a life together.
Yet demographic research has found that 6 in 10 men who’ve never been married do actually want to get married someday…
So where are those men, and why aren’t we finding them?
Maybe it’s because we’re looking in the wrong direction!
When you practice these 3 habits that attract love, you’ll find yourself attracting a whole different class of men.
Men who want to please you. Men who want to support you. Men who know how to love you.
And THOSE are the kind of men who can make love last.
Habit #1. Start a Pleasure Practice
The first habit that I hope you start is a pleasure practice.
As women, we ALL need to have a pleasure practice.
We are so used to giving pleasure to others that we end up sitting on our hands and waiting for other people to voluntarily do something nice for us—which rarely happens!
The best way to live a pleasure-filled life is NOT to please others with the hope that they’ll please you back…
I give you a complete program in my book The Pleasure Principle, and once you start it, it’s life-changing.
A pleasure practice is not the same thing as rewarding yourself or overindulging.
It’s a consistent habit of moving towards the things that light you up and make you feel alive.
When you feel satisfied, radiant, and alive, you attract men who want to do whatever it takes to see that light in your eyes.
You know exactly what pleases you, and you let him know.
But when you live a life of denying yourself, of allowing yourself small rewards in return for a lot of effort, then you often end up with men who don’t do much for you.
They don’t think you need much from them, because you seem to get by with so little.
Denying yourself and giving generously to others tends to attract men who are users…
Rather than the men who feel happiest when they’re making a woman happy.
So start your pleasure practice. Give yourself all those things you so generously give to others, and watch how that changes the type of men in your life.
Habit #2. Strengthen Your Support Network
The second habit you need to cultivate is strengthening your support network.
So often we get in trouble because we go looking for love to fill something inside of us.
We want someone we can talk to about our day. We want someone we can hang out with at a moment’s notice. We just want someone who cares whether we live or die!
And when we’re in that space, attention—ANY attention—feels so incredibly good that it doesn’t matter where it’s coming from.
Men who aren’t respectful of women can spot a lonely woman from a mile away.
No matter how confident she acts, he knows she’s insecure by the way she puts up with inappropriate behavior from him. She’s more concerned about losing him than protecting her heart.
Because he’s the only option she’s got, and he’s better than nothing.
But when you have a solid support network of girlfriends who’ll hang out with you and be there to chat when you need to chat…
And who will remind you of the difference between people who love you and people who are using you…
You won’t hesitate to ditch a guy who’s bad news.
You don’t need him. You have your girls, and they’ll support you whether there’s a man in your life or not.
Men come and go, but friends are forever.
Our best girlfriends remain with us through love, heartbreak, divorce. And yet we often treat them as if they come in second place to whatever man is currently in our life.
Never put your friends last. Keep those relationships strong even if you’re spending most of your time with a new guy.
Habit #3. Start a Love Practice
Finally, the third habit I hope you introduce is a love practice.
The Greeks spoke of 8 different types of love, and romantic love, or eros, was NOT the most important.
Yet in our culture, we prioritize romantic love above other kinds of love, and that priority doesn’t always serve us.
Is your infatuation with a guy you just met really a higher level of love than the love you feel for your family, or your friends, or your God, or yourself?
Reconsider your love priorities.
Don’t assume you’re not loved just because you don’t have romantic love in your life right now.
Value the love you feel when you’re surrounded by your spiritual community.
Value the love you feel when you go home for the holidays and your siblings annoy you and your mother tells you what to do and you know they’d be at your side in an instant if something went wrong.
Value the love you feel when you’re laughing with your friends and feeling like you belong in this tribe of quirky people who are crazy in all the same ways you are.
Then, when you go out searching for romantic love, you’ll be able to keep it in its place.
It’s just romantic love.
Yes, it’s wonderful and it’s beautiful. But you’re still loved without it. Your life is filled up with different kinds of love: love for your home, love for your pets, love for your life. Romantic love is the icing on the cake.
When you feel loved, you don’t tolerate men who won’t love you.
When you have a support network, you don’t tolerate men who won’t support you.
When you have a pleasure practice, you don’t tolerate men who don’t put in any effort to please you.
And THAT is how you start attracting higher quality men into your life.
If you’d like to learn more about taking back the power in your love life and filling yourself up with the kind of pleasure that’s an aphrodisiac to good men, then check out my course The Pleasure Principle.
It’s about charging you up so that you glow.