You’ve spent all this time messaging him.
You thought you had a great connection.
The messages got fewer and fewer. He didn’t ask you out. Finally, you stopped talking.
Or maybe you DID end up meeting up with him, and it was a complete waste of time. It went nowhere.
How do you spot the time-wasters?
The guys who are never going to go anywhere with you?
You look for these 3 signs.
Sign #1. His Profile Pic Rubs You Wrong
I know, I know! You’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover.
But there is a very good reason to judge a man by his profile picture, and it’s probably not what you think.
It’s because the picture a man chooses to represent himself carries clues about how he wants to be seen.
Those clues are what you want to look for.
Does he have a picture of his 6-pack abs? Then you’re probably looking at a vain guy.
Does he refuse to smile? Then you’re probably looking at a guy who’s serious about appearing masculine.
Are all his pictures of skiing and white-water rafting and traveling? Then you’re probably looking at a guy who wants to be seen as adventurous.
If the only reason you look at his picture is to see if he’s attractive, change your perspective. You’ll find out if you’ve got chemistry when you meet.
Much more important is what his picture says about who he is.
Those pictures tell you the type of man he thinks himself to be. He wants you to draw certain conclusions from them. It’s your job to ask: are those conclusions compatible with the kind of guy you really want?
Sign #2. He Puts You Off When You Ask to Meet
Yes, I did say, “When YOU ask to meet”!
If you like a guy, and you’ve enjoyed several days of pleasurable banter, then I strongly encourage you to make the next move.
Ask to connect on a video date. Say you want to see him.
If he backs off, or makes up an excuse, then you know this guy is a time-waster.
Most of us make two big mistakes with online dating.
- We let the messaging go on too long. We end up having such a great conversation by text that we forget to strike while the iron is hot.
- We assume that the guy flirting with us via text is real. We don’t realize that this is just his avatar. It’s his online personality. It may accurately reflect him, but equally it may not.
You don’t want to have a great conversation with a guy online. You want to have a great conversation with him face-to-face.
So once you establish compatibility, move yourself right along.
Right now, the safest way to do that is to hop on Zoom or your dating app video chat and have a virtual date.
One of the reasons we used to spend so much time getting to know each other before meeting up was to establish safety. You wanted to know that this guy wasn’t a serial killer.
But with video dates—as long as you’re not giving him your personal details—you can meet up right away. Video is the next-best-thing to being together in person. It tells you right away whether this guy is worth meeting in real life or not.
So go ahead: tell him your fingers are tired of texting, and how about hopping on video? See if he’s for real or not.
Sign #3. He’s Only Interested in Whether You Conform to His Expectations
You can tell when a guy is trying to pigeonhole you.
He wants to fit you into a box he understands. He says things like, “All women do X.” Because you’re a woman, you must fit the stereotype.
Have you ever been in that situation where a guy is asking you questions and you can tell he wants certain answers? It’s uncomfortable, isn’t it?
He’s not interested in YOU. He’s interested in finding a woman. Maybe that woman is you, maybe not.
These guys are usually very clear about what they want. They want a woman with a very particular list of traits.
You read through this guy’s job description and trying to think, “Is that me? Would he like me?”
The more specific a guy is about what he wants, the less likely it is that ANY woman is going to match his fantasy.
These guys have a really difficult time making relationships work. They idealize women, but they’re unable to cope with the reality of a partner. It’s all wonderful until suddenly things get a little difficult, and instead of rising to the occasion he just breaks it off or vanishes.
You want to be with someone who understands that reality is messy, people aren’t perfect, and relationships are full of surprises. You can’t put up a wish list and expect to get a custom-made girlfriend. You have to meet people where they’re at.