Of course, dating is JUST like a job interview.
You put up your résumé—your online dating profile. In it, you explain all your best traits and why you’re a perfect fit for the job of being his future girlfriend.
Then you wait until a man selects your profile from the piles of profiles out there. When he contacts you, you’re supposed to be grateful. He noticed you! He saw something special in you!
Only one last hurdle to clear:
The first date interview.
That’s when all your dating skills are put to the test. You have one chance and one chance only to wow him with your charisma, charm, and sex appeal.
At the end of the first date interview, you wait to get your callback. Is he going to choose you for the position of his girlfriend, or will it go to the next candidate? Stay tuned!
The Interview Mindset
There are so many problems with the idea of dating as job interview that it’s hard to know where to start.
Job interviews are serious. They have one goal and one goal only: to judge someone’s suitability for a role.
When you come into a date with that serious mindset, ready to put your best foot forward and prove that you meet his requirements, the energy feels uncomfortable. It’s too intense. It puts you both on edge.
Maybe you’ve experienced that yourself. Have you ever been on a date with a guy who seems more concerned with proving himself than connecting with you?
You sit there listening to him drop hints about his amazing life. When he asks you questions, it’s like he’s asking them for form’s sake, not because he cares about your answer. He’s performing a role rather than being present with you.
That’s what treating dating like a job interview does.
It takes the fun away. It makes us feel judged. Even worse, it puts all the power in the hands of the person doing the hiring…
And that person isn’t you!
So what should dating feel like?
If we’re not interviewing each other for the purpose of finding out whether we’re the right candidate for the role of romantic partner, what are we doing?
Maybe we’re just trying to have fun.
The Pleasure Mindset
Portland dating coach Eric Leonhard suggests seeing dating as entertainment.
See a date as an opportunity to push pause on your everyday life, forget about everything that’s bugging you, and enjoy that feeling of discovery with someone new.
If you go on a date expecting to have fun and looking for ways to have fun, you’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.
Your energy changes completely. You’re not so concerned about getting information out of him. You’re more concerned about finding out whether you resonate. Do you find the same stuff funny? Do you take pleasure in similar things?
When you have fun, you can relax. Relaxing completely changes the tenor of a date. Your face becomes more expressive. You can drop the mask and be yourself. You can trust in the flow of conversation, rather than worrying about what to ask him next.
So don’t treat dating like a job interview!
Don’t go into it expecting him to judge you on everything from how you look to what you order. He’s not a boss with a position to fill. He’s just a guy who wants to have a nice time with you.
Your job is to have a nice time with him. If you have a great time on that first date, you can use that second or third date to find out the details of his life.
You don’t want to spend a lifetime with someone who checks off all the boxes but doesn’t make you smile.