It’s the biggest challenge we face as modern women:
How to have the perfect career, perfect family, perfect home, and perfect body … all while appearing effortlessly sexy.
Celebrity parents do it. Just look at their Instagram feeds. Not an unsexy moment in sight.
Oh, sure, they occasionally post #nomakeup #allnatural selfies, in which they look absolutely gorgeous. Proof they’re nothing like the rest of us.
The rest of us are tired.
Bone deep tired.
We’re running on empty, everyone needs a piece of us, bills keep coming, and the house is always a mess.
Sexy? Yeah, right.
- Gaining weight
- Having a baby
- Getting older
- Too much to do
- Aches and pains
- Your favorite jeans
- Dance music
- Feeling happy
Are there more sexy-killers or sexy-boosters in your life?
Sexy isn’t a sultry Instagram pic. It’s a state of mind.
A state of mind in which anything can happen.
When a woman knows her worth, owns her power, and shakes that booty like no one’s watching.
Supermodel Miranda Kerr thinks “sexy is being comfortable in your own skin and being authentic and not trying to be anything but yourself.”
Beyoncé thinks it’s all about confidence. “The most alluring thing a woman can have is confidence. You can be beautiful, but if you’re not secure in yourself, you don’t come across as sexy.”
So attainable! So inspiring!
If only it worked.
Because sexiness requires a bit more than feeling confident and comfortable in your own skin.
It requires relaxation.
That’s not just my opinion. It’s science.
You see, sexual arousal is made possible by the parasympathetic nervous system – henceforth known as Chill Mode.
This is the part of your nervous system that kicks into gear when you’re at rest. It helps you relax by slowing your heart rate and reducing blood pressure. It’s known as “rest and digest,” because it helps food move through your system.
But there’s more to Chill Mode than resting and digesting. It’s also known for another function:
Feed and breed.
Without your Chill Mode, you wouldn’t feel sexy. You’d never get in the mood.
Ever noticed how sexual experiences are more satisfying when you’re completely and utterly relaxed? That’s because your Chill Mode is working optimally.
On the other hand, stress stimulates your sympathetic nervous system, AKA Freak Mode, which prepares you to fight or flee. Sexual desire shuts down.
Nature designed us that way for a reason. If you’re fleeing from a saber-toothed tiger, you don’t want to get distracted by a handsome caveman. Survival is more important than sexual opportunity.
So, if you’re struggling to feel sexy, it may have less to do with self-confidence than how stressed you feel.
When I learned this, I finally understood why I felt sexiest on vacation or weekends, or after I’d done yoga or had a hot bath. Why I felt my least sexy on Monday mornings or before major deadlines.
Relaxation stimulates sexy feelings.
Stress kills them.
How are you going to use this information to start feeling sexier today?
For more sexy tips, check out my book THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE.