Quiz time!
I am going to give you 10 dating tips.
I want you to tell me if you have EVER done this for a man… or if you would NEVER do this for a man.
Ready?
- Surprise your guy by unexpectedly doing his laundry or tidying up when he’s out.
- Learn how to make a difficult meal that takes half the day and serve it to him with a smile.
- When he arrives at your house, open the door wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and heels.
- If you’re thinking about cutting your long hair off, don’t do it without asking him how he feels first.
- If you’re talking and he’s clearly not interested, change the subject to something he’s interested in.
- Keep yourself trim and attractive for him. Guys don’t like it when you let yourself go.
- Never complain. No man wants to be around a negative person.
- Don’t try to impress him. Instead, show him how impressive he is.
- Ask him for help even if you don’t need it—manly things like moving a heavy box or looking at a leaky faucet.
- Never blame him for how you feel. You’re responsible for your own happiness.
What’s your score?
Are any of these tips ones you’ve used in your own life?
Or are you, like me, hearing alarm bells ringing?
When I read these tips, I thought it was some 1950s manual for housewives. The sort of stuff my mother would have read growing up.
Nope.
This is modern-day dating advice.
It’s what some young women in their 20s are telling other young women.
Ladies!
We’ve got to save each other from bad dating advice!
But how do we do it?
How do we spot the bad stuff?
Simple. We apply “The Bad Dating Advice Test.”
In just a moment, I’ll tell you how it works, and you can see if your favorite tips pass the test.
Bad Dating Advice Backfires
I remember being 20-something.
I was so interested in learning how to get a guy.
I’d spent my teen years feeling completely invisible. Now that I was on my own and feeling confident, I wanted to express that confidence by flirting and dating and being wanted by men.
I ate up all that hackneyed dating advice, too. It was all fresh and new to me. I didn’t know, at that point, that it was the same advice my mother had been given, and probably her mother before that.
When you’re in your 20s, it’s natural to try to shape yourself into what men want. It feels like that’s what you’re supposed to do.
What I didn’t understand back then is that the guys who were interested in me were interested because I was so different.
Because I was out there living my life, doing my own thing, not waiting for anyone’s approval.
The moment I turned around and started doing the stuff that I thought I was supposed to do—the stuff I’d been told to do by the internet and dating advice books—was the moment I lost my power.
Guys wanted me when I didn’t do stuff.
The minute I started doing it, guys knew I was hustling for their approval.
They lost interest, and I lost the guy.
What Really Turns Off Guys
Did you know that?
Did you know guys can tell the minute you start to follow all that hackneyed advice?
They know they’ve got you in the bag then.
You’re no longer this fascinating, independent creature who may or may not want to let them in further.
Now you’re just like all the other women hoping to win his approval by setting yourself up as the “perfect girlfriend.”
So here’s what I’d like to tell you.
You are so much more than a toy for men.
You have your own life. You have your own vision. You have your own dreams.
Your pleasure MATTERS.
Any partner that you allow into your life is going to have to support you by giving you pleasure. Pleasure on every level. The pleasure of touch… the pleasure of intimacy… the pleasure of comfort and satiation.
It is not your job to find out what pleases men so you can give them what they want.
It is your job to find out what pleases you and seek out a partner who adores pleasuring you.
And when you do that…
You become what’s known as a high-value woman.
You’re not like other women. You have standards. You expect respect. He’s got to work at it.
Now, only certain men will respond to that.
Players won’t like it. They won’t be able to control you, and they can’t stand being around a woman who’s in control of her own life and her own choices.
The men who’ll respond to your pleasure are the high-value men.
The men who don’t want a “little woman” but rather an equal partner. Someone who won’t collapse her boundaries when he’s around. Someone with spice.
You could be the woman he’s been waiting his entire life for…
A woman who’s in touch with her pleasure and has space in her life for a partner who will join her in the quest for a delicious, fabulous, mutually satisfying life.
My book The Pleasure Principle takes you through that transformation. It’s unlike any other love advice guide you’ve ever read, because it will give you permission to go after more pleasure in your life…
Pleasure being, of course, the most powerful aphrodisiac of all.
The Bad Dating Advice Test
But in the meantime, if you don’t have my book, and you’re wading through the sea of dating advice and wondering what will actually help you and what will hurt you, there’s a test that can help.
Just ask 3 questions.
Your answers will tell you whether that piece of dating advice works for you or not.
Because we are all unique. You may love spending half the day cooking him an amazing meal, because that’s your love language. It really comes down to how that action makes you feel.
So here’s the test. Can your dating advice pass it?
- Does this dating advice make you feel stronger?
- Does this dating advice take into account your pleasure, or is it just about pleasing him?
- Do you feel that doing this would be reciprocated? In other words, does he make this kind of effort for you?
And if the answer to all three is no…
If the tip makes you feel stupid or silly…
If it’s all about his pleasure and ignores yours…
If you’re doing all the work and he’s just sitting back and enjoying it…
Then what you have is advice designed to cut you down to size.
The Goal is Not A Man
When I think about all the young women out there, taking on board all this advice that tells them to focus on HIS pleasure and what HE likes, I feel sad.
They have this incredible future ahead of them, where they can find out what THEY like and what turns THEM on, and they’re not listening.
Those of us who are on the other side know that there’s more to life than hustling for man’s approval.
What we’re after is the Big Kahuna.
We’re after LOVE.
And a man’s love is a whole different game.
Let us know what you think!