It happens in so many relationships.
You get together, and it’s like a dream come true. He’s wonderful. You’re over the moon.
Then you get together, and life settles down, and he starts to change.
He treats you dismissively. He’s more interested in his own things. He acts as if you’re dragging him down.
It’s as if he’s morphed into another person. You want back that romantic soul you once knew.
It’s a terrible kind of loneliness, when you finally have the relationship you dreamed about…
Only to realize that it isn’t anything like you thought it would be.
You thought he would keep treating you the way he did in the beginning.
You’d have so much fun. You’d laugh and talk all night. You’d never have to feel alone again.
Instead, you feel exactly the way you’ve always felt:
Like you don’t really matter.
A Boyfriend or a Soulmate?
It is so hard to find someone you like, who also likes you back, that most of us will give any decent relationship a try.
It doesn’t matter if he’s not a perfect match. He’s a good enough guy.
Good-enough relationships give us someone to think about, someone to hang out with, and someone to love.
But in our heart of hearts, most of us don’t really want a good enough relationship.
We want a soulmate.
An instant connection with a guy who knows what we’re saying before we even say it.
A guy who’s so in sync with us, it’s spooky.
Soulmate relationships have three traits that elevate them from good-enough relationships.
Once you experience them for yourself, you’ll never settle for good enough again.
3 Traits of Soulmate Relationships
What makes soulmate relationships so unique is how quickly you come to trust each other.
He’s you in a male body. The burden of having to explain yourself to someone new falls away. You feel as if you’ve known each other in a previous life.
Being together feels like freedom. You can let down your guard. You don’t have to censor yourself. No matter how silly or crazy you get, he will roll with it.
He’s not judging you. He’s playing along with you. That makes all the difference.
Soulmate relationships have three primary traits:
1. Soulmate relationships are intimate.
The closeness you experience with a soulmate is unlike anything else.
Your soulmate understands what it’s like to be you, because he’s much the same. He gets you.
It’s rare to experience that level of empathy—especially from a guy!
Your girlfriends get what it’s like, but guys don’t tend to understand how hard it is to be female in this day and age. They only know their own experiences. Many blow off women’s struggles.
In the past, you’ve been with guys who acted like a brick wall when it came to emotions. Not him!
He can see when you’re uncomfortable. He can see when you’re in distress. He asks you how you’re feeling. He takes care of you without being asked.
2. Soulmate relationships are authentic.
When you meet someone who’s like you in all the ways that count, you don’t have to worry about impressing him. You can share a side of yourself that normally only your best friends see.
Usually you’re afraid that revealing too much of yourself will doom a new relationship, but it’s different with him.
He accepts all of you. He doesn’t need you to be someone you’re not.
It’s your authentic self that attracted him to you, and he never wants you to hide that.
Soulmate relationships feel real. You’re not putting on an act. You’re not playing around. You’re telling the truth, perhaps for the first time.
3. Soulmate relationships are caring.
When you get the privilege of seeing someone else’s inner world, you would never do anything to break that trust.
You realize that everything you say and do has consequences. If you say something hurtful, you can see the hurt you caused them.
So you’re incredibly careful with a soulmate. You want your soulmate to flourish. You want to feed their soul with love and affection and approval.
That’s not to say you won’t have conflict, but you’ll try to find ways to do conflict better. You don’t want to destroy this beautiful, precious thing.
Together Forever With You
I wish I could say that soulmate relationships lasted forever, but not all of them do.
When you meet a soulmate early in life, you don’t always have the skills and emotional maturity to make it work.
Soulmates trigger your deepest wounds as well as your most secret dreams.
And that’s for a reason:
Soulmate relationships heal us.
To heal us, they have to touch the part of us that hurts.
It takes a strong person to accept that even a soulmate will let you down.
In the end, we are all fallible. We do the best we can, but we mess up. Messing up is the work of living.
If you loved and lost a soulmate, don’t despair.
I believe that we have many soulmates, not all of them romantic. Soulmates are just people (and sometimes pets) who remind us in some powerful and ineffable way of our past.