When I started my YouTube channel five years ago, I thought I was creating a community for women to talk about our deepest questions in love.
I was partially right.
Comments from women began flooding in, and—complete surprise to me—comments from MEN, too.
These men had a LOT to say about women.
They thought that women didn’t know their proper place. They gave their own dating advice for women, which basically came down to being a good feminine doll who obeyed her master.
Don’t take dating advice from a woman, these men warned. If you want a man, then you need to listen to a man.
I started to see these comments EVERYWHERE. Every social platform had its share of men trying to tell women what to do.
As you know, my job has never been to “get you a man.” What I want for you is the ultimate prize: LASTING, LIFELONG LOVE.
And a lot of the advice that “gets you a man” actually leads you AWAY from lasting love.
Being submissive to men is one of those pieces of advice.
Avoid Crappy Boyfriends
We know from decades of research that the very best marriages are not broken down by gender roles but rather egalitarian.
She listens to him, and he listens to her. They divide up the labor in a way that feels equitable. They’re partners.
Yes, you can get a lot of male interest by playing the role of an uber-feminine woman who hangs on every word he says and lets him be the Big Man, but why would you?
You’ll just end up with a crappy boyfriend who expects the world to revolve around him.
Unfortunately, these guys don’t just lurk on the internet. They lurk on dating apps.
They’re very good at presenting themselves as successful alpha males. They seem confident, independent, and masculine. They know exactly what to say.
You can get sucked right in before realizing you’re giving away your power to him.
That’s when I realized that I had a job to do.
I needed to help women spot these toxic guys before it was too late.
So, without further ado, here are 5 signs you should run like the wind…
Sign #1. He Thinks Women Should Be Women
These guys get angry when they think women are trying to take men’s power.
They believe that women should stay in their lane. If you speak up for yourself, or talk about your job, or even try to order your own entrée from the menu, he accuses you of trying to be a man.
That’s his favorite insult. How “ridiculous” it is when women try to be men.
He believes that women should stick to being feminine and deferential, and leave the business of being in charge to men.
Sign #2. He See Everything as a Power Struggle
These guys believe there’s a gender war going on. Men versus women.
Women are trying to take men’s power. Men are just trying to defend themselves.
He even shoehorns that narrative onto your relationship.
He doesn’t like it when you have a different opinion or when you challenge him.
He wants an easy-going woman, someone cool… NOT someone who’ll suggest a coffee date when he offers her the opportunity to Netflix and chill.
Sign #3. He Sees Men as Victims
Don’t talk to this guy about discrimination. He’ll start talking about how men are discriminated against.
He believes it’s a lie that minority groups experience discrimination. Men are the real victims. Men can’t get jobs and can’t get respect.
But you’re different, he’ll say. You respect men. You’re not trying to take a man’s place.
Is that a compliment? If it gives you a yucky feeling, probably not.
Sign #4. He’s the Body Police
This guy isn’t overly interested in what women have to say. He’s more interested in policing women’s bodies.
The only point of a woman is to look good for him, as far as he’s concerned. If she doesn’t look good, she’s failing women.
His judgment matters because the “only reason” women try to look good is to get the approval of men like him.
He’s got all sorts of ideas on how women can be more attractive. He tells you with full confidence, “You know, you’d be really hot if…”
Sign #5. He Often Feels Attacked
He’s a cool guy until he feels attacked.
And he feels attacked a LOT.
Every time he doesn’t get his own way, it’s an attack on him.
He won’t just defend himself. He’ll crush anyone who opposes him.
The world is divided into winners and losers, and he is going to come out on top.
Why Is He Like This??
Nearly 15,000 people have watched my YouTube video on “Why Is My Boyfriend Mean to Me?”
Clearly, it’s a problem!
It’s SO hard to understand why men would behave this way.
They’re looking for love, too, aren’t they? Don’t they realize that making women into the enemy doesn’t work?
I’ve written before about the manosphere, men who’ve “swallowed the Red Pill” and “seen the light” about the way “men have been made into second-class citizens.”
But another intriguing explanation comes from verbal abuse expert Patricia Evans.
In her book Controlling People, she offers the analogy of a teddy bear.
Imagine a boy playing with a favorite teddy bear. He makes the teddy bear speak. The teddy bear “wants” to play all the same games he does. The teddy bear almost seems to share his mind.
For controlling men, women are like that teddy bear.
He wants a partner who will say what he wants her to say. Who will want to do everything he wants to do. Who will act like an extension of him.
Imagine how shocking it would be for that boy if his teddy bear leaped out of his hands, stood on its own two legs, and spoke in a voice that didn’t sound like his, “No! I don’t want to play that game.”
That’s how controlling men feel when their partner speaks her own mind and stands up for herself.
The whole point of teddy bears is that they act out what’s in your imagination.
For controlling men, the whole point of women is to act out what they have in their imaginations.
If you won’t play that role, he’ll discard you in an instant. His attempts to woo you will morph into disgust and malice.
You’ll wonder if YOU did something wrong.
You just got tangled up with a controlling man, and you are SO LUCKY you broke free.