There are two kinds of dating coaches.
The first kind tells you what to do. Send this text. Say this to him. Do this next.
I call this the Boss Coach. You obey their instructions. (And if their advice doesn’t work, you know who to blame!)
There’s another type of dating coach, though. This type wants to get you thinking more deeply about things you’ve always taken for granted before.
I call this the Birth Coach, because it’s like you’ve been sleepwalking through your love life, and this coach is going to help you wake up.
They’re going to flip on a light switch, and suddenly you’re going to see all this stuff that’s been hidden from you before.
Once you see it, it will be impossible to UNSEE it. You’ll wonder how you missed all this before.
Having this new knowledge changes you. You’ll feel different. Like you’ve been giving a new chance and new choices you never realized you had before.
That’s what I love best.
Birth Coaches aren’t for everyone.
Most people just want a Boss Coach to tell them what to do. They want a quick actionable tip that they can use right away.
But I think that’s problematic, and here’s why…
The advice industry is full of Boss Coaches who will tell you every single little thing you should do.
Boss Coaches assume you need to be TOLD what to do, because you’re going to mess it up on your own.
You wouldn’t be seeking advice unless you weren’t getting the results you want, so clearly SOMETHING you’re doing is wrong.
Boss Coaches teach you to rely on THEM for the answers. They don’t want you to trust yourself, because if you trusted yourself you wouldn’t need them.
Birth Coaches are different.
Birth Coaches believe that you already know deep down what you should do. It’s just that your head has been so filled up with other people’s advice that you don’t listen. You doubt yourself.
You don’t want to pay too much attention to that little voice deep inside, because if you do what it tells you to do and you mess up, you only have yourself to blame.
That’s why Birth Coaches try to get you to get in “right relationship” with yourself.
It’s about knowing who you are and what you stand for and what you yearn for and what trips you up.
It’s about trusting yourself to make the right decisions for you.
It’s about turning to yourself first to figure out the answer, rather than always going to the experts.
I give you a clue about what kind of coach I am in the title of this site.
This site is called YOUR Brilliance.
It’s not called MY Brilliance.
I am not here to tell you to do things my way or ELSE. 😉
What I am here to do is to help you think about things, and consider why things happen as they do, and find the way to your own truth.
You can give a man a fish or you can teach him how to fish, right? And I’m squarely on the teaching side.
So if you’re here at Your Brilliance for the first time, or you’re wondering when I’m going to get to my patented Step-By-Step Plan For Getting A Man, let me clarify what I can and cannot do for you.
My advice is NOT right for you if:
1. You just want to be told what to do.
If you just want a text to send him, or the exact words to say to him, then I’m going to recommend you hop on over to Matthew Hussey’s channel. What could be better than a gorgeous, soulful guy telling you what to do, right?
My advice is NOT right for you if:
2. You just want to get THIS guy.
All you care about is hooking this one particular man. You want to make him chemically addicted to you. You want to trigger his obsession. You want him to stop treating you like you don’t matter and start putting you on a pedestal and calling you his Queen.
Unlike most dating coaches, I don’t really care if you get THIS guy. (Yes, I actually just said that.)
What I care about is whether you get the lasting, lifelong love you deserve so much.
I want you to be loved so thoroughly, and cherished so profoundly, and made to feel so safe and respected and appreciated, that you’ll lose the taste for anything that isn’t love.
A guy who sleeps with you but won’t take you out? A guy who sends dirty texts but isn’t interested in getting to know you? A guy who only has time for you when it’s convenient?
That’s the kind of guy I think you’re better off without.
Now, most dating coaches would NEVER say that to you.
Their job is to get you what you want. If you want this man, that’s good enough for them.
But too many guys out there can’t love. It’s not that they can’t love YOU. It’s just that they don’t have the skills to love another human being in a way that honors and respects them.
Your job is NOT to change those guys by being the best girlfriend they’ve ever had.
Your job is to say, “Nope. Next!”
Don’t spend your life trying to teach guys to love. Spend your life searching for guys who ALREADY know how to love. They’re out there. I promise.
Finally, my advice is NOT for you if:
3. You don’t want to think about the big questions.
The struggles we have in our love life are just a microcosm of the struggles we have as women.
If you struggle with saying no to guys, because you worry that setting boundaries will drive them away, then I’m going to suggest that maybe you’re like that in more areas than just your love life.
The way we are with men reveals so much about WHO we are.
It reveals what we believe about ourselves, whether we think we’re worthy, whether we think we need to put on a performance to get people to like us, whether we’re afraid of abandonment or letting people down.
When we struggle in our love lives, we’re being handed an opportunity to grow.
How do we fall in love with ourselves and find the courage to show up authentically, trusting that anyone who’s not attracted to us isn’t our person?
If that question excites you, and you’re interested in exploring deeper, then welcome to my tribe. 🙂 I am SO glad you’re here. Let’s unleash our brilliance together.