I know you’ve done this….
(I don’t know anyone who hasn’t!)
You’ve met someone great. Really, really great.
And it seems like he likes you back. He wants to hang out. He wants to get close. He wants to be with YOU.
Instead of saying, “Yay! This is so amazing!” what do you do?
Oh my gosh, I’m doomed!!! This great incredible guy wants to be with me, and I’m going to mess it up! Once he gets to know the real me, he’ll run away screaming! I’d better not get too comfortable, because it’s not going to last.”
Why do we do this???
Why do we sabotage ourselves???
Maybe it’s because we have relationship anxiety.
Signs of Relationship Anxiety
Our minds are our own worst enemy.
They tell us every single reason that no guy would want to be with us. Or stay with us.
We could go on and on about our flaws, our problems, our issues…
But none of that discounts the fact that THIS guy, right here, right now, wants to be with US.
He doesn’t care!
He doesn’t want someone perfect! He wants you!
But he’s not going to want you if you keep him at arm’s length and refuse to trust him because of your insecurities.
It’s crazy, the things we do to push people away when we don’t feel good enough.
We find little ways to test his love for us, just to make sure he REALLY wants to stay and isn’t just pretending.
Whenever he says he loves us or does something loving, we deflect it. We make a joke out of it. We make it not mean anything.
Because, of course, if it DID mean anything, it would mean that he loves us, totally, absolutely, just as we are…
And we can’t handle that.
We can’t handle the thought that we don’t have to fix ourselves to earn his love.
We can’t handle the nakedness of being loved as we are
We can’t handle trusting him not to break our heart.
Why Men Always Leave You
What relationship anxiety does is it keeps you primed for the worst to happen.
You never commit fully to the relationship, because you’re always on edge.
You’re ready for the moment everything falls apart.
And he can tell.
He feels like you’re half-in, half-out of the relationship.
He feels like you don’t fully trust him.
He feels like he’s giving everything to you, but you won’t take it.
And after a while, he gets tired. He gets frustrated.
He doesn’t understand why you refuse to believe that he wants to be with you and he wants to love you and he wants you to lean on him.
You’re choosing your anxieties over this relationship.
And he can’t stop you.
So he leaves.
Guess what? You were right all along.
You were right to hold back and not trust this relationship. Because he left you, didn’t he? He got fed up with you, didn’t he? Proof that you’re not good enough to hold down a relationship. Proof that every man you fall for will always leave you.
We manifest our own destiny.
It’s time to stop.
Healing Relationship Anxiety
Let’s stop sabotaging every good relationship we get into.
You can’t wave a magic wand and erase relationship anxiety overnight.
Those of you who follow me know that I’m a big proponent of doing the work to figure out your patterns and heal them.
But if I could recommend one thing—one simple first step to get you started on the path to healing your relationship anxiety—it would be to pick up a copy of Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
It’s easy to read, you can find it anywhere books are sold, and it will keep you riveted to the page.
You’ll learn where relationship anxiety starts—crazily enough, it starts in the first few years of your life—and how to deal with it.
You’ll learn what a secure relationship looks and feels like. You’ll learn how to pick guys who can stick with you through your anxiety.
Changing from an anxious style of relating to a secure style of relating takes work. You’ll have to break old habits. You may need support along the way.
But once you see what you’re doing, you have the awareness you need to change.