I’m sure you’ve noticed this.
When you really REALLY like a guy, everything falls apart.
The more you like him, the more likely it is to blow up in your face.
But when you DON’T like a guy, things go pretty well.
Sometimes it feels like the LESS you like him, the MORE he likes you.
Some say it’s because guys like the chase.
When you display too much interest in a guy, he thinks you’re easy.
When you don’t display much interest in a guy, he sees you as a prize.
They’d be wrong.
Here’s the REAL reason that liking a guy too much shoots you in the foot…
And what you should be doing instead.
The Chase Attracts Players
There’s one group of guys who prefer aloof, disinterested women:
Players think they can get any woman they want, so they like a challenge.
But I don’t want you to end up with a player!
I want you to meet a great guy who loves you for WHO YOU ARE and wants to make a future with you.
And great guys think differently.
What Great Guys Want
Great guys are looking for a few key traits in the women they meet.
- They want to meet someone who’s authentic.
She’s the same person with him as she is with everyone else. She’s not out to impress him. If he doesn’t like her just as she is, she’s moving on. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
- They want to meet someone who makes it easy for them.
Yes, great guys are the exact opposite of players.
While players prefer women who pose a challenge, great guys gravitate towards friendly women who give them plenty of green lights.
Smiling, making eye contact, and being the first to say hello invite him to approach you. Great guys can be shy. If a woman isn’t welcoming, they won’t bother her. They’ll seek out the company of someone friendlier.
- They just want things to be simple.
No games. No pretense. No pressure.
If things get too complicated, they’re out.
Sometimes we women can make things more complicated than they need to be.
Instead of taking a man at his word, we read all sorts of hidden meaning into his messages. He says that he’s got to spend a weekend catching up at work, and we think he’s avoiding us.
Taking everything he does personally will kill even the most promising relationship.
Most of what he does has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Remember, men tend to compartmentalize relationships.
When he’s thinking about you, he’ll text you or ask to see you. But most of the time he isn’t thinking about you at all. He’s thinking about other things. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you—it’s just how his mind works.
So don’t make everything about your relationship, and have a little faith. Trust that he’s telling you the truth to the best of his ability.
By the Way…
Here’s one more advantage to taking what a guy says at face value:
It shows him that you trust him.
Great guys don’t want to be with someone who’s second-guessing them.
It’s too stressful. It forces them to constantly think about how she’ll take everything they say and do.
When you’re with someone who makes everything about them, it’s NOT fun.
All right, now that you know that great guys are looking for someone who’s authentic, who makes it easy for them, and who doesn’t complicate things…
Let’s look at what happens when you like a guy TOO much.
You Don’t Act Authentic
When you like a guy too much, you start acting weird.
It’s really hard to be yourself around someone you think is amazing!
You feel self-conscious and awkward. All your confidence disappears. You put him up on this pedestal, where you’re grateful for even the slightest scrap of his attention.
And he can tell!
Your awkwardness makes HIM feel awkward.
He knows he doesn’t belong on a pedestal. He doesn’t want to be treated as special. He’s just an ordinary guy looking for an ordinary girl who’s on his level.
Here’s a trick you can use when you find yourself mesmerized by his perfection:
Imagine him sitting in his bachelor pad, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and stacks of unopened mail, wearing a ratty t-shirt and playing videos games.
He doesn’t look so cool now. He just looks like an ordinary dude.
Because he IS an ordinary dude!
The better you get to know him, the more he’ll probably annoy you. 😉
So treat him like you’d treat any guy friend. Tease him. Poke fun at him. Don’t take him seriously.
Humor breaks down the awkwardness and strikes up an instant connection.
You Don’t Act Like You Like Him
When you like a guy too much, what do you do?
You feel embarrassed about your feelings, so you try to hide it.
You play it cool, but underneath you’re burning up with desire for him.
A woman who’s just being friendly and polite will find it easier to connect with him, while you’re sitting off in the corner pretending like you’re not obsessively watching his every move.
Here’s a trick that can help.
Imagine that your best friend has already claimed dibs on this guy. She said she liked him before you realized you liked him. You respect her claim, so your job is to be nice to him without pushing for anything else.
Be friendly. Talk to him. Enjoy his company. Just don’t assume that it’s going to go anywhere.
Be content with what you have, a friendly connection that won’t turn romantic UNLESS he makes a move on you.
You Complicate Things
Finally, the one thing we always do when we like someone too much is…
We complicate things.
We don’t sit back and see where things go. We’re not content with a connection that evolves naturally.
We try to push things.
We go online and search for texts to send him to make him obsessed with us. We feel a sense of urgency, thinking we’ve got to lock him down before another girl does.
We stop seeing him as a human being. We see him as a goal to achieve.
This is a HUGE relationship killer.
When you stop seeing a man as a human being, with his own life and his own plans and his own mind, and you make him into your GOAL…
You destroy your chances of creating a healthy beautiful relationship together.
Sure, you may get him in the end, but you’ll lose him again just as fast.
No guy likes it when a woman sets her sights on him.
He feels as if she wants to use him. If she really liked him for who he was, she’d be happy for him no matter what. Instead, it feels like she’s only nice to him in order to get what she wants—HIM.
So let him go.
He’s not yours.
He never will be.
Even if you end up together, he’ll always be his own person with his own destiny.
It’s up to you to be happy and make a life for yourself regardless of whether he’s in it.
Ironically, it’s when we stay focused on making ourselves happy that we end up attracting guys who want to make us even happier.
This is one of the ideas behind my book The Pleasure Principle.
Learn how to create your own roadmap to pleasure by embracing your #InnerBadGirl. Men can’t resist an invitation to become your Pleasure Partner! Find out more.