Former supermodel Christie Brinkley has had a hard time finding men her age to date.
Because she feels invisible to men in their 60s.
Younger men are more confident and willing to talk to her.
If only we could all look as gorgeous as Christie at that age!
But her experiences prove an important point:
Feeling invisible to men is a universal experience.
Beauty, wealth, and fame can’t protect you from feeling like men don’t notice you.
Whose Fault Is It?
We could have a conversation about the mindset of men in their 60s.
After all, Christie Brinkley’s ex-husband Peter Cook cheated on her with his 19-year-old assistant and later got engaged to a 21-year-old college student at the age of 60.
But outrage about the antics of men old enough to know better isn’t helpful.
Believing that all men just want college-age women keeps you from meeting men who DON’T feel that way.
And there are a lot of them.
Most men are smart enough to know that a large age gap leads to trouble.
May-December couples tend to become disillusioned and dissatisfied after 6 to 10 years of marriage.
But the older men get, the harder time they have meeting women their age, because so many socializing opportunities are designed for the 20-something crowd.
If you’re not getting male attention, don’t blame it all on men.
You have a job to do, and you’re probably not doing it.
Waiting to Be Noticed
Did your mother teach you that it was your responsibility to catch a man’s eye?
You can’t sit back and wait for men to approach you. You’ve got to put yourself in a man’s path. You’ve got to be approachable.
The research backs this up:
Women who give men green lights get approached MUCH more often than women who are merely attractive.
A man may notice an attractive woman, but appreciating the view doesn’t mean he wants to talk to her.
Men are more likely to approach women who they believe will be friendly and open to conversation.
So if you’re dressing up and walking down the street and looking good, you’re only doing part of your job—and not even the most important part.
The most important part of your job is to make sure men notice you by noticing them first.
Make eye contact. Smile. Say something.
Give them the gift of your attention.
Don’t Make the First Move? Rubbish
How many of us remember saying hi to a boy back when we were younger, only to find he pretended he didn’t hear, or he looked at you stone-faced and turned away?
It’s SCARY to make the first move.
And traditional dating advice advises against it.
What traditional dating advice DOESN’T mention is that the research shows that most women make the first move.
They catch the man’s eye. They walk in front of him. They smile.
But the man doesn’t remember it that way.
He remembers that HE made the decision to get up and go talk to her. As far as he’s concerned, he made the first move… and she’ll never tell him different.
Do you feel comfortable making a move?
How does it feel to you when you accidentally catch a man’s eye? Would you ever do it deliberately? Is it easy to smile at a stranger?
If you are not giving those green lights, signaling that you’d be open to conversation, then it’s no wonder you feel like you’re invisible to men.
You’re wearing an energetic “CLOSED” sign that tells them you’re not interested.
But It’s Too Scary!
Of course it’s scary!
But think of how much scarier it is for men.
They’ve got the job of walking up to a woman and trying to start a conversation with her without even knowing whether they’ll get smiled at or slammed down.
Men eventually learn to weather rejection, but that doesn’t mean they like it.
As women, we have a job to do.
We’ve got to make it easier for the men we like the look of to approach us.
This immediately improves the caliber of men we meet.
When you sit back passively, you’re at the mercy of whichever man decides to come up and talk to you. You find yourself having to fend off cads and players. You wish that someone YOU like would come up and talk to you for a change.
Well, there’s an easy way to do that.
Invite a man you like to come up and talk to you.
The Art of Invitation
Here’s how women and girls have invited male attention for hundreds of years.
You allow yourself to look at a man who pleases you.
When he notices you looking, you flash a quick smile and glance away.
Then, after a beat, you glance back and see if he’s still looking at you. If he is, you hold eye contact for a moment longer than you would normally. Then you look away again with a shy smile or giggle.
Now he knows you like the look of him. It’s up to him what he does with that information.
Once you master invitation by eye contact, you’re ready for the next step:
Being the first to say something.
Perhaps you’re waiting to order at the counter, but there’s a crowd. You say, “Excuse me, would you mind letting me in?” When he looks at you, you smile and perhaps even wink. “Busy here, isn’t it?”
You’re walking down the hallway, and an attractive colleague walks past you with his head down. “Nice jacket,” you say. “Have I seen that before?” He looks up, sees you, and smiles at the unexpected compliment.
You’re getting a coffee downtown, and you see a lovely gentleman sitting on a bench resting his legs. “Excuse me,” you say on a hunch. “Do you know this area well? I’m looking for somewhere to eat.”
Give Attention Generously
All you’re doing is offering these men a small gift.
You’re saying, “Hello. I see you. I notice you. What I see pleases me.”
Men secretly love being noticed.
They love it when women come up to them.
It makes them feel good. It makes them feel seen.
Once you’ve said your piece and smiled, your job is done.
If he doesn’t engage you further, don’t linger. Walk away. Beam your sunshine onto someone else.
Regardless of how he reacts, you might just find you have extra pep in your step.
You proved to yourself that you have the courage to talk to an attractive man and walk away unscathed.
You’re no shrinking wallflower. You’re not invisible.
Men see you, because you are brave enough to speak up and get noticed.