Where to Find All the Good Men Online – Mat Shaffer

You are ready for a true love relationship.

You are willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make it work.

You are motivated, you’re positive, and you’re focused.

So you take the plunge. You set up your online dating profile, and you click that button to take it live…

Only to get bombarded with yucky messages by players who clearly don’t care who you are, they’re just looking to score.

What’s going on??

Even guys who SEEM promising quickly lose interest once they see you want to take it slow.

Where have all the good guys gone?

I knew the perfect person to ask:

Mat Shaffer.

Mat is one of my VERY favorite male dating coaches. He’s committed to empowering women to believe in themselves and the big, beautiful love waiting for them.

In this week’s YBTV interview, Mat shares:

• Simple ways to slow things down when a guy pushes to get intimate too fast,
• A tweak to your online dating profile that will attract higher-quality guys, and
• The power of your beliefs to magnetize your dream relationship to you.

Plus, you’ll learn about an incredible opportunity to work with Mat for FREE.

If you’ve ever dreamed of having your very own dating coach that you could ask ANYTHING, Mat would love to have you join him for 3 weeks of live group coaching with an incredible group of women from around the globe. Over 15,000 women have already gone through this course, and last month alone there were 4 marriages!

You’ll get over 50 hours of coaching and live workshops, including office hours with Mat twice a week, 15 video lessons, support in a private Facebook group, and so much more.

It’s a life-changing experience, and it’s 100% free and available to you no matter where in the world you live.

It kicks off Monday October 10th, but spots fill up fast.

So make sure to claim your place now.

Claim your FREE 3 weeks of dating coaching!

What You’ll Learn

I kicked off with the big question that was on my mind:

What’s up with all those guys who push for sex before they’ve even met you?”

These guys are everywhere, Mat says. They’re not just in online dating; they’re everywhere you meet the opposite sex. They’re not even the majority of guys, but they’re so loud that they’re impossible to ignore.

These players, f***boys, whatever you want to call them, are simply looking for the path of least resistance.

“They have decided that sex is a commodity,” Mat explains. “They are looking to achieve the greatest amount of physical gratification for the least amount of effort and work possible.”

Online dating provides them a means to do so. They can send out the same message to a hundred women and see if anyone bites.

It’s Not You

The first thing Mat wants to you to know is that this isn’t personal. You’re not broadcasting subliminal signals that are attracting these guys!

“There are ways that you can set up your profile and ways that you can show up that will hopefully filter some of them out,” Mat adds, but “don’t try to think you’re going to filter all of them out.” These guys are very motivated.

As you boost your radiance and magnetism, you’ll find that these men show up in your life because you’re attracting more men in general.

A flame cannot necessarily control the type of moths that are drawn to it.”

Don’t let the jerks put you off online dating, Mat urges.

“You have to accept that when you go into online dating—when you go into any space where you’re going to be allowing yourself to be seen by a lot of folks—not all of those folks are going to be giving you the attention that you want.”

He continues, “It’s your responsibility to divert and not allow a lot of your energy to get drained into them, because they are vampires. They will take as much as you’re willing to give them, physically or energetically.”

How to Minimize the Bad Guys

One way you can reduce the number of players you come across is by choosing your online dating site wisely.

Tinder has a higher percentage of people looking for casual encounters, while sites behind a paywall, like Match.com or eHarmony, tend to filter some of those out.

Another way you can reduce the number of players and increase the number of quality matches is by becoming “crystal-clear on your vision for the relationship that you want.”

This is a technique Mat teaches in his course. Envision your dream relationship down to the very last detail.

Be able to see it and feel it and experience it in your mind, in your heart.”

Mat recommends you write down exactly how your dream day with your ideal partner would play out, as if you were experiencing it in real time.

“Once you have that clarity,” he says, “ask yourself, ‘How do I get to show up to call in that relationship? … How confident do I get to be? How surrendered, how playful, how sensual?'”

The next step is to ask yourself, “If this is who I get to be to call in that relationship, what do I need to let go of? What insecurities, what fear, what cynicism, what beliefs about myself?”

“If you don’t address those [negative beliefs] and release them consciously, they will subconsciously be communicated in your dating profile,” Mat says.

For example, you might find yourself writing things like, “I’m not here for casual sex. I’m not here to waste my time. Don’t bother contacting me unless you’re serious.”

That negativity is a huge turn-off and doesn’t in fact attract the good men you’re looking for.

“Your profile is just an initial filter,” Mat says. “So don’t make it like a negative filter where you’re trying to fight off the bad guys. Make it a positive filter where you’re seeking to call in the good guys.”

Start from Your Beliefs

Belief work is at the core of what Mat does in his 3-week Mastery of Connection course.

Not just the beliefs you have about yourself, but the beliefs you have about men and intimacy and relationships and dating.

He’s already shared with us some of his strategies to break the beliefs holding us back, but it bears repeating.

Our beliefs are a choice. So, by changing your beliefs, you’re changing the framework around which your reality will be created around you.”

When you create your online dating profile from the perspective that “I am an authentic, radiant woman who has a beautiful friend group, who is passionate about this, that, and the other, who enjoys play and adventure,” you call in men who resonate with that energy.

You’re not wasting your energy putting up barriers against getting hurt. You’re trusting yourself to be able to discern who is right for you and let the rest go.

You’ll Always Need Boundaries

Just because a guy puts a move on you doesn’t mean that all he wants is sex.

“The masculine inherently has a deep sexual drive,” Mat explains. “We as men recognize that it is our responsibility to escalate the physicality of relationship.”

This goes for good guys, too.

Just because a guy respects women doesn’t mean he won’t ALSO feel a deep physical desire for you and hope you feel that way, too.

Mat uses the analogy of love as a symphony. The masculine is playing his instrument and looking for guidance from the feminine on how fast to move forward. “It is your job as the conductor to set the tempo. It is your job to pace the masculine,” Mat says.

If you don’t set boundaries and you allow a man to escalate things too fast, you will likely fall into the “just for fun” category, rather than being seen as relationship material.

It’s a huge red flag when “a man takes things sexual very early on, when you’ve given him no indicator that that’s where you want to go with it.”

On the other hand, if you’re enjoying flirting but don’t want him to get the wrong impression, you can say playfully:

I’m really enjoying getting to know you, but let’s keep things PG until we have a cup of coffee.”

“If he ghosts you or disappears,” Mat adds, “then that’s all he was looking for, and that’s a blessing that he’s not in your space anymore.”

Don’t Blame Yourself

If you’ve had a great first date with a guy, only for him to ghost you after you told him you wanted to take it slow, it’s possible that the way you said it turned him off.

But it’s much more likely that this guy went on the date with you hoping for a one-night stand, and your response put the kibosh on his plans.

A guy who is excited about potentially building a relationship with you won’t bat an eyelid at your desire to slow things down.

He doesn’t expect to sleep with his future wife on the first date (though he’ll likely want to test out the chemistry with a kiss!).

Mat has found that “having sex with someone too early a lot of times will fundamentally undermine the trajectory of any potential relationship.”

So if a guy keeps pushing for sex each time he contacts you, treat it as a red flag.

On the other hand, “if a guy tries to escalate and you’re not ready, it might just be that he thought the date went well and he read it one way.”

You can tell him in a playful and loving way:

That’s not why I’m here. I’m loving getting to know you. I really had a wonderful time tonight, and I’m not saying that you’re not turning me on, because you are, but it’s really important for me to to take things slow so that we can really get to know each other.”

Let him know you’d like to see him again; you’re not rejecting him.

Get This Party Started

If you’ve still got MORE questions…

And you’d love Mat’s take on your own personal situation…

Then Mat would love to have you join him October 10th for his 3-week flagship program Mastery of Connection.

» Grab your spot NOW before it fills up!

It’s a $2000 program that he’s offering for FREE because he’s still in the beta testing stage, tweaking it to make sure it’s absolutely perfect.

Mat will be covering belief work, attachment styles, and personality types so that you can know yourself better and get crystal clear on what you want.

He’ll be helping you understand “why men act and think and feel the way that they are, so that you can better your discernment on letting in the right man in a graceful loving way and then releasing the ones that no longer serve you.”

It will all be happening over online, Facebook and Zoom, so you can attend from anywhere in the world.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re single, dating, in relationship,” Mat says. If “you commit to doing the work, it will tremendously transform your life over the course of the month.”

You’ll learn “why you’ve had these patterns in relationship that don’t serve you and be able to release them. You can heal past trauma.  You can really go to a new level with your partner if you’re in relationship.”

» Sign up today!

“Don’t give up on online dating. Don’t give up on love, and don’t give up on yourself. There’s so many amazing possibilities available to you,” Mat says, “and I’d love to help you find them.”