Let’s talk about some guys, shall we?
How about the guy who only has time for you once in a while, because his schedule is so packed, and he loves you tons but he doesn’t want to feel crowded, you know?
Or the guy who isn’t sure how things stand because he’s got this ex girlfriend and she was the love of his life and he’s not sure if he can open his heart again, you know?
Or the guy who’s great in bed but always too busy in the daytime to hang out and do anything like take you out for dinner or even talk?
What ARE they thinking?
You’re Doing Everything…
When you really care about a guy, and you see the best in him, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work.
Even if it means not seeing as much of him as you’d like.
Even if it means accepting he’s not in the same place in his life as you.
Even if it means biting your tongue and being patient.
You’re trying to be a great girlfriend. You’re supportive. You’re compromising.
All of those skills make you an amazing partner.
They don’t bring you the perfect partner.
And He’s Doing Nothing
In life, it’s easy to simplify things so that there’s a good guy and a bad guy.
In this situation, it’s pretty obvious who the good guy is…
And he’s the bad guy.
A lot of folks would agree. They’ll tell you that he shouldn’t be acting like that. His behavior is unacceptable. You should value yourself more than that.
You are a queen. You are a high value woman. You should set a standard for how you’ll allow yourself to be treated, and stick to it—no matter how much you like the guy.
And that’s great, but…
That attitude is not going to help you create a healthy, happy relationship.
Even worse, it could teach you habits that could poison your future relationships.
There’s a better way to deal with this situation, and it doesn’t involve playing the victim.
Your Job Isn’t to Change Him
When you’re in a relationship that feels one-sided, it can feel like you’re powerless.
You’ve done all this stuff to show him that you love him and you want to be with him, and he’s still withholding. He won’t commit.
If that’s the case, and you know where HE stands, and you know where YOU stand, and you can see that what you want isn’t compatible…
Is there really a bad guy and a good guy?
Or are you blaming him for not being the man you really wanted him to be?
Relationships are never composed of a sinner and a saint. More often, they’re composed of two people enabling each other’s patterns.
Some women have a pattern of choosing to stay in a relationship that isn’t making her happy, and then blaming him for not making her happy.
But no one is responsible for your happiness but you.
You are not powerless.
By choosing to stay when you could go, you are exercising your power.
Right now, you could be back in the dating pool with a much clearer sense of what you want. You want to be with someone who prioritizes you. You want someone with the same dreams and goals.
But you’re not. You’re still here. Because you hope he will change.
Make Space for Perfect Love
Someone once told me a story that I’ve never forgotten.
What do you do if you want a new car? You can visualize this new car. You can see exactly what it looks like: it’s red, it’s sporty, it’s got leather interiors. It’s the perfect car.
But you’ve already got a car in your garage. You don’t have room for another one. So what do you have to do before you visit the dealership? You’ve got to sell the old car. You’ve got to make space for the new one.”
It works like that in love, too.
If you’re with a guy who doesn’t want what you want, who doesn’t value relationships in the same way, who’s shown that you’re not his priority, it’s like you’ve got an unreliable car in your garage.
It’s not the car you want. But it’s filling up your garage. You don’t have space for anything new.
You don’t have to stay stuck with your old car. You can say, “You know what? I can see myself driving a new car. I know exactly what kind of car I want. And I am going to go find it.”
You are in the driver’s seat.
You have the power.
You don’t need to blame anyone. You don’t need to play the victim. You don’t need to make him the bad guy. You can just stand in your power.
Where does my power lie in this situation?
And make a different choice.