Imagine the world’s most desirable man.
A gypsy king. A rakish pirate. A rogue of hearts.
He is unapologetic. He tells you straight out that you delight him. There is something about your eyes, mysteries that intrigue him. Come away! He will teach you secrets of yourself no man has yet discovered.
Would you fall for such a man?
Or would you call him a player, a pickup artist, a Casanova with nobler words than intentions?
Zan Perrion wouldn’t care what you called him.
If pressed, he prefers the term romance artist. He isn’t interested in the label of “world’s greatest seducer,” though he knows he’s been called that.
He simply wants to be with women and enjoy their feminine gifts, from now until the end of time.
Zan is the founder of Ars Amorata, a school of seduction for men. He’s an elusive minor celebrity who never stays long in any one country or with any one girl. He’s been endlessly written about, his style analyzed. He even appeared in a cameo role in 2010’s “Let the Game Begin.”
What could a man like that teach women?
I interviewed Zan many years ago. When his book The Alabaster Girl came out, I read it and caught up with members of the Amorati at a meetup in London. I was impressed by their genuine desire to show up as better men for the sake of women, though I wondered at the time if it was so much hot air.
Words are easy. Putting intentions into practice is harder.
We women don’t often consider what men are taught about us.
We’re so focused on learning to decipher the secrets of the male mind that we often forget men are wondering the same thing.
Why would men want to know goes on inside a woman’s head? Isn’t it obvious?
What men teach other men about women isn’t always pretty.
They’re looking for psychological tricks. Ways to make women crave them. Ways to make themselves rejection-proof.
That’s why it’s wonderful when someone like Zan stands up and changes the rules of the game.
In his teachings to men, Zan repeats one phrase over and over again like a mantra:
“Women love men who love women.”
That’s the philosophy of the world’s greatest seducer, boiled down to 6 words.
The only thing a man needs to be good with women is a love of women.
ALL women. Not just the single attractive ones.
And that is what makes Zan different from most men.
To him, ALL women are beautiful. All women are goddesses, waiting to rise. When a man pays attention and makes a woman the center of his world, at that very moment, she shines just for him.
He is blunt about it:
I start from a perspective that every woman I meet is an inspiring and lovely one.”
For a true lover, there is something to appreciate in every woman, no matter how young or old, slim or curvy. A man’s job is to be a witness to her beauty. To let her know he sees her, admires her, and delights in what he sees. In doing so, he sets himself apart.
Isn’t that just jaw-dropping?
Doesn’t it make you wish, as it did me, that every man you met was one of Zan’s students?
To be seen as a woman…
To be appreciated as a woman…
To be desired as a woman…
Wouldn’t it change everything?
But let’s turn things around. What about us?
Are we lovers of men?
In other words, is the opposite of Zan’s statement true? Is it true that men love women who love men?
Loving MEN is much harder than loving a particular man.
Very few of us women go out into the world believing that every man we meet will be inspiring and interesting.
We keep our guard up. We feel like we have to. We don’t want men to make any wrong assumptions or think we’re interested when we’re not.
And men feel the weight of that burden.
Men struggle greatly with rejection. They struggle with getting the courage to approach women. They’d rather give a woman their number than dare the audacity of asking for hers.
Very few women love men unequivocally. Very few men love women unequivocally. And that’s why the dating scene looks like it does.
Insecure men hoping to trick women into thinking they’re Mr. Right.
Insecure women hoping how they look will be enough to get him to ask her on a date.
Zan’s philosophy is a wake-up call.
How would the dating scene change if we showed up as women who love men, rather than singles seeking that specific soulmate?
How would the dating scene change if men showed up as lovers of women, rather than guys hoping to get lucky or get a number?
Would we all enjoy one another more? Judge one another less? Feel more appreciated?
Dating doesn’t have to be about getting a date. Instead, it can be about practicing the ancient art of love.
And it’s ironic, isn’t it, that it took a man known as the world’s greatest seducer to put romance back in the dating game.