When your relationship is on the rocks, what do you do?
If you’re like many women, you try even harder.
You make his favorite foods. You plan special outings. You dress nicely. You’re extra affectionate.
By giving more, you’re hoping to show him that this relationship is too precious to lose.
Where else will he find a woman that does everything you do for him?
If he loses you, he loses all this.
Your company. Your love and support. All the special things you do for him.
If he leaves, he gets none of that ever again.
Who would pick nothing over everything?
And yet so many men walk away without a second glance.
They walk away from everything you gave as if it were nothing.
Is it because they know they can get all that and more from someone else?
Is it because they never really cared all that much about everything you did for them?
Is it because they sneer at your generosity?
The more you do for him, the worse he treats you.
The more you give, the more he loses interest.
It makes no sense.
Why Women Give Too Much
Many of us are givers in our relationships.
We delight in making our partner happy. We want to do everything we can for him.
Giving is our way of showing love. It’s as natural to us as breathing.
But men don’t always receive our giving in the way it was intended.
It doesn’t feel like love to them. It feels like people-pleasing.
It feels like he’s got a servant instead of a lover.
When you pick up after him, cook his meals, and wash his laundry, you’re becoming his housekeeper.
That might have worked to win him over… if it were the 1950s.
Once upon a time, that was how women won husbands. They showed off their homemaking skills. A woman who could cook fine meals and keep a clean home would make an ideal wife.
But we’re living in the 21st century now.
And most men aren’t interviewing for a stay-at-home wife.
They’re not looking for a wife at all. They’re looking for a woman with whom they have a connection.
And that spark fades fast when you serve his every need.
You Don’t Have to Do All The Stuff
There’s another reason you give too much when you don’t feel secure in your relationship.
Back when you were a kid, there was nothing you loved better than making your mom and dad proud.
You wanted to earn their love through doing things to please them.
What you didn’t realize, because you were just a kid, is that they would have loved you anyway.
Parents don’t love their kids for what they do. Parents love their kids simply because they exist. (At least, they should.)
Fast-forward to today, and you don’t have to earn a man’s love through doing nice things for him.
If this is a good relationship, he’s with you because of who you are, not what you do for him.
He’d love you even if you never washed a dish or bought a gift.
And if he’s with you because of what you do for him, you need to know that sooner rather than later.
Love is not transactional.
If you have to earn his love, then what he’s giving isn’t love.
Love Like It’s The 21st Century
It’s time to put old habits to rest.
You don’t have to earn a man’s love by trying to be the perfect wife/girlfriend.
If love blooms, it will be because of your connection.
He’ll like and enjoy who you are. You’ll like and enjoy who he is.
The things you do for each other will be the icing on the cake.
If love fades, it will be because of your connection.
He doesn’t feel close to you anymore.
Doing more for him won’t help. Talking about it will.
When a man loses interest, the best thing you can do is talk about it. Address the elephant in the room. Find out what’s going on for him.
You may be afraid you’ll argue. You may be afraid he’ll tell you he wants to leave.
Do it anyway.
It’s better than wearing yourself out trying to please a man who’s halfway out the door.