Everyone knows that one of the most important things men look for in women is confidence, right?
A confident woman looks and acts like she’s a catch.
But there is a trait that’s even MORE important.
A trait that every single successful woman in love MUST have.
You can do without confidence, but you cannot do without this.
What is it? Stay tuned.
Confidence is Overrated
These days, we’re all supposed to have high self-esteem.
It’s why we get medals just for participating. Everyone’s a winner—just in a different way!
But I happen to think confidence is overrated.
ESPECIALLY in romance.
You don’t want to go out on a date with someone who thinks they’re hot stuff.
You want to go out on a date with the shy guy who listens to you and thinks YOU are the hot stuff!
We live in a world full of overconfident people who are a lot more interested in being awesome than they are in being with you.
Humility is a beautiful trait to look for in people. These folks don’t have to brag. They just get on with things and help others and keep shining from the inside.
If you want to succeed in love, thinking you’re amazing will only get you so far.
What I tell folks is that there’s a much more important trait.
This one, you HAVE to have. You can’t do without it.
What is it?
It’s the ability to do hard things.
You don’t have to believe in yourself. You just have to be able to make yourself do that next hard thing.
The #1 Threat to Your Love Life
Did you know that the #1 threat to your love life is actually giving up?
People get fed up. They get burned too many times. They get tired of all the superficial connections.
So they stop. They stop logging into their online account. They stop looking around to spot anyone interesting. They stare at their phones and talk to their friends, and their world shrinks down to their comfortable bubble.
When you give up on finding love, it becomes a lot harder for love to find you.
I don’t care if you believe in love. I don’t care if you believe in yourself.
What I do care about is whether you can make yourself do that thing you don’t want to do, like go up and talk to that guy, or take a chance and say yes to that date, or be social when you don’t feel like it.
Now, you could call that persistence, or you could call it determination.
But what I call it is courage.
You Have to Be Courageous in Love
Courage is not fearlessness. It doesn’t mean you don’t get scared. It doesn’t mean you don’t have any doubts.
Courage is the ability to act in SPITE of those things.
Courage is the ability to make yourself do the right thing when you seriously do NOT want to do it.
Who wants to take a risk on messaging that guy, or going to that party, or starting a conversation with a stranger?
It is a LOT easier to feel confident about yourself if you stay home. You can’t lose if you never take a risk!
And maybe you think that you’ll do those things once you feel confident. You’ve got to wait until you FEEL you can do it, and THEN you’ll do it.
That’s not how it works.
I’ve gotten through my entire adult life without a lot of self-confidence. I doubt myself all the time. I have a lot of self-criticism.
But I’ve never let that stop me from doing things I really want to do.
I’ve learned to make myself do things for no other reason than because I think they’re worth doing.
I don’t know if I’ll succeed. I don’t even know if it’s a great idea or not. It may not work out.
But if it’s something I feel I have to do, I’ll do it.
How I feel about myself is never going to stop me from doing the things I want to do.
You Can Do Hard Things
Author Glennon Doyle—whose books you should read, if you haven’t—has a catchphrase:
We can do hard things.”
She’s been through a lot of hard things. Going through hard things is just part of life. It knocks our confidence. But we just keep going.
Does it make you feel better to know that you don’t have to feel confident to be a success in love? If I had to wait until I felt super-confident, I’d never leave the house!
What hard thing are you waiting for the confidence to do? Let me know in the comments!