Back in my twenties, I was with a guy who wanted to get married, and I didn’t know what to do.
So I went around asking people how they knew that their spouse was the one.
The advice they gave me was this:
You just KNOW.”
That’s it? I thought. You just KNOW?
I didn’t have that kind of unshakable confidence. I couldn’t see us 10 years in the future.
It would take me DECADES before I understood that this “advice” wasn’t great advice after all.
“Knowing” that you’re meant to be with someone can be a product of wishful thinking as easily as it can be a nudge from destiny.
If you are wondering whether you’re soulmates, but you’re not sure…
There are 5 ways to test your soul connection.
Before You Ask If He’s Your Soulmate, Do THIS
When you’re just starting a new relationship, it ALWAYS feels like you’re soulmates.
Those are Nature’s love chemicals coursing through your veins, and they’re designed for the SOLE PURPOSE of making sure the human race survives.
(They’ve got to be some of the most powerful chemicals on earth—otherwise, we might think twice about what we’re getting into!)
So, if you’re caught up in the amazingness of new love, hold your horses…
You cannot even ASK the question of whether you’re soulmates until you hit the “Reality Check.”
The reality check phase of the relationship is when you start to cool down and see him for who he really is.
You start to see his flaws. He starts to get on your nerves. You start arguing.
Crazily enough, THIS is when good relationships find their feet.
You can’t genuinely love someone until you see who they truly are, good AND bad.
Because as long as you’re caught up in a rosy-hued “love bubble,” you’re seeing that person for who you WANT them to be.
So, if I can give you ONE piece of advice, it’s this:
Wait until your honeymoon period comes to an end and you start to have doubts.
THIS is when you can finally see the truth about whether you’re soulmates after all.
5 Signs He’s Not Your Soulmate
So here I am, having doubts about this guy I’m not sure if I should be marrying.
How do I know if those are just natural doubts, or whether they mean we’re not meant to be together?
Here are 5 signs you should look for.
How you show up as a couple in public is different to how you show up together at home.
When you’re around other people, it’s easy to act the role of the perfect couple.
But when it’s just the two of you alone together, things change. He doesn’t treat you the same.
A guy who treats you differently in front of other people has something to hide. When you have a soul connection, it shines through no matter where you are or who you’re with.
He sometimes treats you badly—and doesn’t attempt to repair.
Does your guy ever make mean jokes about you or do things that he knows hurts your feelings?
We ALL make mistakes, but when we have a soul connection with someone, we can’t bear to have anything rupture it. We apologize. We make repairs.
If he doesn’t care about restoring the connection between you, or expects you to forget about it and let it go, it’s not a soul connection.
Your friends aren’t as enthusiastic about him as you are.
Our friends often know us better than we know ourselves.
They see how we change when we’re with someone new. They see whether this new guy brings out the best in us or makes us insecure.
Ask your friends if they think he brings out the best in you. (Just remember they may not want to tell you the truth if it’s not what you want to hear.)
There are things you can’t talk to him about.
For me, this was the biggest sign that he wasn’t the one.
We couldn’t talk about some basic but very important things concerning our future. He would dismiss me by saying, “Love conquers all.”
My response? “Love conquers all because it MAKES PLANS.”
Wanting to know how your future is going to work is perfectly normal. Wanting to know what you’re going to do about your differences is perfectly normal. That’s the work of relationships. You have to communicate.
If he’s already shutting you down because you’re talking about something that upsets him, that doesn’t bode well for your future.
He’s not interested in growth.
Relationships don’t stay the same. People don’t stay the same. We evolve and grow despite ourselves.
A guy who thinks things have to be just like they are now forever is a guy who doesn’t realize what’s ahead.
The future makes demands of us. We’ve got to change in order to adapt.
For me, part of the joy of relationships is growing together. You surprise each other every day. When you love someone on a soul level, you don’t set limits on that person. You want to see them become whoever they’re meant to be.
Now that you know the 5 signs that a guy isn’t your soulmate, where do you think you’re at in your relationship? Do you need more information? Or are you certain now more than ever that this guy is the one?