When’s the last time you took a quiz to find out your personality type?
They’re all over social media.
You can find out which Disney princess you are, which Hogwarts House you belong in, and what your Love Language is.
(I’m Pocahontas, Ravenclaw, and Acts of Service, in case you were interested. 😉 )
Girls tend to be more interested in personality types than guys.
Sometimes you can drag your guy into taking a quiz, but a lot of guys won’t bother unless they see something in it for them.
What if there was a quiz that could help you understand and support your guy better?
One that told you what motivated him and what he dreamed of?
One that explained why you ended up arguing over silly things?
And the quiz itself would only take a few minutes of his time.
Would he do it?
I first learned about the Enneagram in high school, but I didn’t think much about it until recently, when the Enneagram began popping up all over my social media.
The modern Enneagram was developed by Oscar Ichazo, a Bolivian who brought his ideas to the U.S. in the 1970s.
Although it’s based on many wisdom traditions, the system itself fits easily within a psychological or therapeutic framework.
It doesn’t put you in a box and tell you what you’re good at.
It helps you understand WHY you do what you do.
It helps you understand what’s important to you, where you self-sabotage, and what conditions help you thrive.
The goal of using the Enneagram is to become more aware of your core fears and desires, so that you can motivate yourself to live your best life.
Ready to find out which type matches you?
The 9 Enneagram Types
Type 1. The Perfectionist
This type knows right from wrong. They have a strong sense of moral values, and they’re incredibly responsible. They follow the rules and can appear quite strict.
Their goal is to be a good person and live a life of purpose. To them, being good means having high standards, which is why they’re so hard on themselves and others.
Their greatest fear is tripping up and making a mistake, or being revealed to be a bad person.
At their best, 1’s make the world a better place through their diligence, strong sense of fairness and justice, and hard work.
At their worst, they become petty and obsessed with doing things “right.” They explode in anger when their beliefs about what’s right and proper aren’t shared by others.
Type 2. The Helper
This type is always helping everyone. They’re warm, friendly, nurturing, and the kind of person you want by your side. They’ve got an abundance of heart, and they never say no to anyone in need. They remember birthdays, give compliments generously, and know exactly how to support someone who’s hurting.
Their goal is to earn love by being wanted and needed. They may have learned as children that their emotional needs weren’t as important as their parents’ needs, so they learned to help others at the expense of themselves.
Their greatest fear is ended up alone and unloved.
At their best, 2’s love themselves as much as they love others. They can give while setting healthy boundaries so they don’t get drained.
At their worst, 2’s sacrifice themselves for others and end up in codependent relationships.
Type 3. The Achiever
Every workplace has an achiever—someone who never sits down and is always hustling and competing to be the best. This type is ambitious. They’ve got lots of energy, and they want to impress others. They get their self-worth through their accomplishments.
Their goal is to be successful and earn the admiration of others.
Their deepest fear is being a failure or living a life of obscurity.
At their best, 3’s inspire others through their confidence, energy, and productivity. They’re the star player on any team
At their worst, 3’s can come across as narcissists who will throw people under a bus if that gets them closer to a gold star.
Type 4. The Individualist
This type embraces being weird. They’re creative. They follow the voice inside their head and dismiss trends instinctively. Their Instagram feed and playlists are full of obscure music and artists. They have a vision that only they can see.
Their goal is to express themselves creatively, so that they can be known by others and appreciated for who they are.
Their deepest fear is that they’re flawed and they can’t be happy like other people. They worry that they’ll never find a deep and true connection, because they’re too “out there.”
At their best, 4’s are incredibly creative and honest about their flaws in a way that touches the heart of others.
At their worst, 4’s can be self-destructive and live in a constant state of melancholy or sadness.
Type 5. The Investigator
This type has a reputation for being smart. They’re highly intellectual. They use the power of their brain to solve any situation, and they never stop learning. Social interactions can drain them, so they tend to withdraw from the world and live inside their head.
Their goal is to understand the world and master their chosen area of expertise.
Their deepest fear is that they’ll be overwhelmed by other people’s needs as well as their own. They aspire to be as self-sufficient as possible.
At their best, 5’s are thought leaders who create advances in their field. They’re educators who simplify the complex.
At their worst, 5’s can go off into a rabbit hole of extremist thinking and lose touch with reality. They can cut people out of their life and may even decide that life is easier when you don’t have to deal with people.
Type 6. The Loyalist
This type is the steady person you can always rely on to have thought ahead and packed emergency gear and have a plan in case something goes haywire. (The classic Boy Scout!) They avoid risky situations and prefer to do business with solid, secure institutions with a known reputation. They’re quick to see danger that may not exist, possibly because of growing up in an unsafe environment where something bad happened.
Their goal is to feel safe and secure and have a posse they can trust and rely on.
Their deepest fear is to get caught flat-footed and unable to protect themselves from danger.
At their best, 6’s are incredibly loyal and able to create securely attached relationships. They’re an asset to any team or social group for their reliability and honesty.
At their worst, 6’s can become hypervigilant and paranoid that something will go wrong. They may cope with their anxiety by clinging to someone as if they were a security blanket.
Type 7. The Optimist
Got a friend who’s always enthusiastic, cheerful, and looks on the bright side? Then they’re probably a 7. This type is lively and always on the lookout for fun. They’ll try anything once in their quest for pleasure. Their open-mindedness and nonjudgmental nature means they make a wide range of friends.
Their goal is to stay so busy they never feel bored or sad. They feed on energy and excitement.
Their biggest fear is FOMO—the fear of missing out. Nothing is worse for a 7 than getting stuck.
At their best, 7’s live their life in a way that inspires. They make great motivational speakers. They can see the silver lining in even the darkest experiences.
At their worst, they can appear shallow and superficial. They never spend long enough with anything to sink down roots. They avoid dealing with their issues, because they’re terrified of negative feelings. They can become adrenaline junkies, always chasing their next hit.
Type 8. The Challenger
If you’re dating an alpha male, he’s probably an 8. This type is dominant, assertive, confident, and decisive. They take control. They set ambitious goals, regardless of whether anyone else thinks they can do it or not. They’re tough and fearless when it comes to conflict. They protect those they love and value loyalty.
Their goal is to be in control and not depend on anyone. They’d rather be respected than liked.
Their deepest fear is being powerless and vulnerable.
At their best, 8’s are leaders who make an impact and champions of the oppressed and vulnerable. Justice matters to them, and they have to strength to do what needs to be done even if they’re hated for it.
At their worst, they’re intimidating and addicted to power. For them, it’s “my way or the highway.” They don’t care about other people’s feelings and will manipulate others to test their loyalty.
Type 9. The Peacemaker
This type is an ocean of peace in a sea of conflict. They’re easy-going, soothing, and gentle. They’re the one who fixes things when friends fall out. They can see different perspectives and rarely choose sides. They just want everyone to get along, and they appreciate the simple pleasures in life.
Their goal is to live in peace. They hate it when people argue or don’t get along.
Their deepest fear is that they’re too needy.
At their best, 9’s are incredible mediators who can help two sides come to an agreement. They’re wonderful facilitators of group work, helping people see perspectives that are different from their own. They’re patient, wise, and accepting.
At their worst, they avoid conflict and refuse to deal with issues. They can be passive-aggressive and fail to set boundaries that protect them from burning out or taking on other people’s problems. They can appear passive or unwilling to put in effort.
So tell me:
Which type feels most like you?
And do you think you can get your guy to find out which type he is? (Don’t make a guess for him—only he knows what motivates him deep down inside.)
Truity offers a quiz that makes determining your Enneagram type easy. Look for the graph at the end of the quiz that tells you what percentage of each type you are. Then return to this page to understand your type or types (you don’t need to pay for their results unless you want to!).
Once you know your type and his type, there’s tons of information out there on how the different Enneagram types relate. Just search for “relationship advice for enneagram types.” Happy researching!