Nothing feels better than a man who can’t wait to see you and does everything in his power to spend time with you.
That’s how he was in the beginning of your relationship. So why isn’t he like that now?
Do you remember how you felt when you got a new TV or a new phone? You couldn’t wait to show it off to friends. You loved it! You couldn’t get enough of it.
Then, over time, you got used to it. It wasn’t new or special. It was just your TV or your phone.
That’s what happens in relationships, too. When you’re not new to each other anymore, you take each other for granted.
So how do you make a man miss you again?
The short answer is to bring back that sense of newness.
Who were you before you merged into couplehood? That’s the woman who excites him. He loves the woman who’s an extension of him, but he craves the woman who will never be fully his.
He can’t stop thinking about the woman he doesn’t own, the woman he doesn’t quite understand, the woman who always manages to surprise him. It’s a quality that sexuality expert Esther Perel calls “otherness.”
You can cultivate otherness by nurturing the parts of your life that are for you alone.
Be unapologetic about the time you take for yourself. Go out on a girls’ night each week (while he goes out with his guy friends), and don’t feel the need to tell him everything you did. He doesn’t need to have the blow-by-blow of your day.
Don’t be scared of spending time apart. If you want to go on a weekend getaway without him, do it. Being away from each other actually energizes your relationship. He sees that your journey won’t always be in parallel to his, and he feels the discomfort of not being with you all the time.
Keep becoming a new woman by committing to your own growth. Challenge yourself. Do new things on your own that you’ve always wanted to do. Don’t feel as if you have to stay the same for his sake. As you change, you become mysterious to him again.
Try putting down your phone, too. Staying in constant electronic communication can be draining. He misses you when he wonders what you’re up to but can’t find out.
Missing each other keeps the spark alive in your relationship. Separateness feeds desire, while togetherness feeds intimacy. Successful relationships balance the two.