At first, I was resistant to talking about high value women, because—hey! we are ALL high value women!
You are invaluable. You are a gift. The world is SO much better with you in it.
But here’s what I know about women…
We don’t always believe in ourselves or know our own value.
We don’t always act in our own best interests.
We put duty and obligation ahead of our own wellbeing.
And that’s the distinction that this phrase, high value woman, is getting at.
High value women value themselves…
And they will not stay in relationships or situations where their value is not recognized.
What Makes the High Value Woman Different
There are women who spend their lives trying to do everything right and follow all the advice and be everything a woman is supposed to be…
So that they’ll be rewarded with love and marriage and all those good things.
They work so hard. It’s a tough way to live.
And then there are women who follow a different path.
They’ve learned to listen to that small, still voice inside of them. They will not sacrifice themselves for anyone’s approval. They will not make themselves pleasing to men unless it pleases them, too.
What they want is so simple: they want an equal world where their pleasure and happiness and desires get the same air time as everyone else’s.
When guys meet these women, they understand something immediately:
These women do not play the usual games.
These women are not hustling for a man’s approval.
These women are seeking pleasure partners.
They want a rich and interesting and delightful life, and they are fully open to a man who wants to come play with them.
That’s the distinguishing characteristic of the high value woman.
What she wants isn’t a man’s approval. She doesn’t waste effort figuring out what a man wants, what he means, or whether he likes her.
What she wants is a wonderful life, and having a partner on that journey doubles the pleasure.
How would your life change, if you saw men as partners in enhancing your pleasure?
Would it turn your life upside down?
Here are 3 more characteristics of the high value woman.
1. High value women don’t let fear stop them.
If your goal is to get a man to like you, then you’ve got to play it safe. You can’t risk challenging him, or telling him no, or saying anything that would put him off.
When you put him first, you’re treating yourself as less valuable. You’re prioritizing his comfort over yours. You’re letting the fear of losing him compromise your values.
High value women don’t listen to fear. They’re perfectly willing to risk losing him if it means standing up for themselves.
When you’re a high value woman, you will not settle for earning a man’s stamp of approval.
If you put him off, or if he doesn’t like something you did, or if he crosses a boundary of yours, then he’s shown his true colors. He’s not a partner in your pleasure. He wants a woman to serve his agenda.
It is not just okay but commendable to walk away from a man who punishes you for not fitting into his box.
The point of relationships is to feel bigger, better, bolder, and so much MORE with this incredible person beside you.
2. High value women don’t follow the rules.
There is so much advice out there on what women should do to attract men. But did you ever think about how predictable it makes you?
Guys have gotten used to women following the “dating rules.” They immediately know she’s following the rules in order to “get him,” because nearly every other female does the same thing.
So when you read all this advice about what men want, and you try to act in the way you think you’re supposed to act, what you’re really doing is putting his approval above your authenticity.
That’s not how the high value woman rolls.
The high value woman knows the secret of life.
She knows that life is about experiencing pleasure and joy and purpose and fulfillment.
The more she gets in touch with what makes her feel good, the more she can communicate her needs to men, to see if they’d be open to partnering with her.
This is such an important point that I wrote an entire book about it. The Pleasure Principle is all about how to get in touch with your pleasure, learn to prioritize it, and start living and loving by it.
3. High value women don’t play guessing games.
How much time have you spent wondering what goes on inside a man’s head?
How many conversations have you had with your girlfriends about whether a man likes you or what his behavior really meant or the hidden message in that text he sent?
Because you can’t come out and ask him, can you? You can’t be forthright and have an actual conversation about it! 😉
This is one of the most ridiculous aspects of the dating game. No one is allowed to communicate.
The high value woman doesn’t play mind games.
If she doesn’t know what his text meant, she calls him and asks. If she’s wondering if it’s going anywhere, she asks him.
Yes, sometimes he’s shocked, because he’s not used to a woman being so forthright, but to the right guy real honesty is refreshing.
One of the reasons we play guessing games is because we’re afraid.
We’re afraid of asking, because we’re afraid of what his response will be.
We’re afraid of asking, because we’re afraid the question itself will put him off.
If a guy can’t handle honest face-to-face communication, how can he partner with you?
You want a real partner, not some fragile guy you have to tiptoe around.
Real partners trust each other implicitly. They don’t hide anything from each other. They’ve got each other’s back.
If this guy doesn’t have your back, if there’s stuff he’s not telling you, if he doesn’t want to hear you… then why would you want to stay with him?
High value women are comfortable ending relationships.
She knows her worth doesn’t change whether she’s single or partnered.
If she has to submit to a man, or be responsible for his pleasure, it’s not worth the cost.
Do you know your worth?
Are you LIVING your worth?