The world needs more kind people.
If you care about others, if you spread love, if you give back, then you’re the kind of person we need right now.
And men agree.
A 2014 study discovered that men find women who care about the welfare of others HIGHLY attractive. That’s because men perceive this trait as distinctly feminine.
Feminine women care about others. They’re responsive to other people’s needs.
So don’t hide your natural empathy because you think cool girls are bored and indifferent. Those are masculine traits. Be feminine and show you care.
But whatever you do…
Don’t be nice.
The Problem with Being Nice
Let’s start out with some definitions:
The fundamental basis of kindness is caring about the welfare of others.
The fundamental basis of niceness is caring about the feelings of others.
See the difference?
Nice people have an Achilles heel.
They don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings.
So they say yes when they want to say no. They say it’s okay when it’s not. They don’t tell the truth when the truth is uncomfortable.
Yes, nice people tend to lie. They engage in what’s known as prosocial lying.
They pretend to like a birthday present even if they hate it. They pretend that a friend’s new haircut looks great even if it looks awful.
Those “little white lies” means that a nice person is the LAST person you should ask for an honest opinion.
For men, that kind of niceness poses a problem.
A nice woman won’t let on how she really feels.
If she has a problem, she’ll stuff it down rather than talk about it and risk having an argument.
She’ll do all sorts of nice things for him, but resent him when he doesn’t do the same back.
Because she avoids conflict, he feels like HE has to avoid conflict.
And so they’re never honest with each other. They never fight, but they never have the hard conversations, either.
It’s really hard to be in a relationship with a nice person.
The Advantage of Kindness
A kind woman, on the other hand, cares about a man’s welfare.
If she has to get tough with him, she gets tough with him. She sets boundaries. She expects good behavior.
Because she knows that anything less is an unhealthy relationship.
If he can walk all over her, than that’s one-sided. It’s not good for either of them.
If you genuinely care about someone else’s welfare, you don’t want to enable their unhealthy patterns. You want to challenge them to grow and become the person you know they can be.
Think of some phrases often applied to teachers or coaches:
“Tough but kind.”
“Fair but kind.”
What would that sound if we substituted a word?
“Tough but nice.”
“Fair but nice.”
It doesn’t work, does it?
We know instinctively that kind people sometimes have to be tough and lay down the law.
But nice people can’t cope with those situations. They put other people’s feelings first. Often, that’s not the kindest thing to do.
4 Signs He Sees You As “Too Nice”
- A guy asks you to do stuff for him but doesn’t do much for you back…
- He seems to be taking advantage of you…
- It seems like you care a lot more about him than he cares about you, and…
- You do and do and DO for him, but your relationship is going nowhere…
Then maybe the problem is that you’re being nice when you should be kind.
What’s the kindest thing to do here?
Is it to stick with the relationship in the hope that he’ll see how wonderful you are and finally appreciate you?
Is it to talk to him about how you feel, even though you might fight and he might walk out?
Or is it to tell him, “I don’t think this is working anymore?”
What do you think?
Let me know in the comments!