In the 20th Century:
Sex is an expression of commitment.
In the 21st Century:
Sex is a test of chemistry.
One of the biggest changes women find when they go back into the dating scene after a long time away is the expectations around sex.
They’re used to getting to know a man first.
Now they find themselves propositioned with offers to “Netflix and chill” without a date in sight.
Are guys only interested in casual flings these days? What’s going on?!
As you know, I love to place these questions in a historical context, so let’s take a step back…
It’s not true that sex has always occurred in the context of a committed relationship. Young people have always been finding ways to sneak out and sleep together.
Teen pregnancy actually peaked in the 1950s. Since the 1990s, the teen pregnancy rate has been dropping steadily. Young people today are having less sex than they did in the 20th century.
So it’s not the case that everyone is sleeping around more.
What is happening is a change in relationship milestones.
When I was a teen, I assumed the normal relationship timeline went something like this:
DATE – KISS – MORE DATES – COMMITMENT (BECOMING BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND) – SEX – MARRIAGE
Today, it’s common to see relationships going like this:
HANG OUT – KISS – SEX – MORE HANGING OUT – COMMITMENT – DATE – LIVE TOGETHER
Hanging out together and sleeping together have become tests.
If you don’t have fun together or you don’t have chemistry, there’s no point in pursuing anything. You’re clearly not compatible.
Guys are saving dates for their girlfriends. They wouldn’t even consider committing to someone unless they’d slept together first.
What does that mean for you?
Do you have to do it that way?
Of course not!
Broach the topic with him before it gets that far. Ask him whether he thinks it’s important to sleep together right away so you know if you’re compatible. Then share your views.
If you can see the sense in each other’s point of view, that’s a positive sign. You can always find workarounds.
It’s 100% UNTRUE that sex is the only way to know if you’re sexually compatible.
There are plenty of things you can do to test your chemistry that don’t even involve taking your clothes off. 😉🔥