Inside every man is a little boy…
And that little boy loves with his whole heart.
He loves without reservations. He adores those he loves.
He wants nothing more than to please them and make them happy.
But most men have learned through painful life experience that it’s not safe to love like that boy.
He’ll get hurt. He’ll get rejected. He’ll get shut down.
So he turns away from his innocence and seeks experiences that will make him feel like a man instead—stronger, powerful, invulnerable.
Softness Opens His Heart
You may have fallen in love with a man because of his strength and invulnerability.
Ironically, those traits create barriers to love.
You need him to open up and be vulnerable. You need him to feel safe going “soft and gooey” around you.
It’s the little kid inside that makes him excited to see you.
It’s the little kid inside who dreams of being your superhero.
It’s that little kid inside who has the biggest heart in the world and isn’t afraid to use it. 🙂
To help even the strongest man fall hard for you, you need to reassure that little boy that it’s safe to love.
You can do this is by giving him 3 very special gifts.
He Needs This More Than Anything
Every single one of us has certain core human needs.
Although experts have different ideas on what those core needs are, they agree that we need to feel like we have value, a purpose, some control over our lives, and the ability to do a job well and be compensated for it.
But what are the core needs for a baby?
A baby can’t work. A baby has very little control over life.
When we are born, our needs are even MORE primal and basic.
They’re attachment needs.
We are all born with a profound need for trusting, affectionate, mutually pleasurable relationships.
As children, our relationships were a matter of survival. Babies can’t run away from predators. They depend on their caregivers for everything.
Our most fundamental human need is securely attached relationships…
And, as adults, that’s what love is about.
We need to have at LEAST one person in our life that we can depend on, be our true selves around, and express affection with.
He Craves Secure Love
As kids, we all craved our parents’ love.
We were in bliss when our mother or father bestowed their attention, approval, and affection on us.
But very few kids get that feeling as much as they crave.
Parents get busy. They have other obligations. They don’t know how to express emotions.
We then carry that craving into our adult lives, where we hope it will be fulfilled by a romantic partner.
Romance is the yearning for the kind of love we always craved but never got.
(This is why men are notoriously romantic.)
Inside your man right now, no matter how strong and stoic he may appear, is a little boy who deeply craves approval and affection.
And you can give that to him.
The First Gift
The first gift you can give him is acceptance.
Acceptance is more than approval.
Acceptance starts with seeing your man for who he truly is.
Not the man everyone thinks he is. Not the dashing Prince Charming he pretended to be to win you over.
But rather the man he knows himself to be.
We all feel incredibly vulnerable about who we are inside.
It’s hard to share that with another person. We expect that parts of us will be rejected.
But remember that little boy. Even though he wasn’t perfect, even though he made mistakes, he needed his parents to approve of him—ALL of him.
Can you accept your man for who he is…
And not reject the parts you don’t like?
Can you see your man for who he is…
Because this is who he is. And you like who he is.
All of him is okay with you.
Don’t just feel it. Say it.
Tell him what you like and enjoy and appreciate about him.
But I Don’t Like Everything About Him!
Of course you don’t!
By nature, we tend to be judgmental about the people we’re thinking about bringing into our lives.
There’s a cost to picking the wrong person. Flaws are hard to tolerate for a lifetime.
That’s why this is a gift you’ll want to only give to the right person.
If he’s the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, then accept him.
If you can’t accept him, he’s not the man you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with.
In my next article I’ll share another gift that will blow his little boy’s socks off.