The perfect gift is something he’s always wanted…
Something he wouldn’t buy for himself…
Something that shows just how well you understand him.
So when Christmas rolls around, or his birthday, or Valentine’s Day, the pressure is on. You’ve got to get it right.
But what if that’s not really what he wants from you?
We have this idea that the best way to show someone just how much we love is to give them something.
But just how important are gifts in the large scheme of things?
The author of The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, did a survey to find out how many people felt that receiving gifts was their love language, or the best way to make them feel loved.
Less than 1 in 5 of them—only 18%—said yes.
If your guy is one of those people, then by all means keep giving!
But there’s a very good chance that the things you give to him on special occasions are just things to him. What he REALLY values is how he feels.
We forget that gifts and compliments and quality time are just means to an end. They’re ways to make us feel loved and special.
Any moment where your guy feels loved and special is one he’s going to remember. It could be on a holiday, but it could just as easily be an ordinary day of the week.
We can get so busy focusing on what we’re doing and where we’re going and what we’re giving that we don’t stop to be present in the moment with him. We’re too focused on whether he likes it. We want to know he’s enjoying himself.
All those expectations put pressure on him … because if he doesn’t act like he likes it enough, then you’re going to get disappointed, and the whole thing will be ruined!
I can’t be the only one who’s seen the mood on Christmas go flat when someone spent a lot of time, effort or money on a present, only to not get the reaction they were expecting.
So what can you give him that’s even better than a present?
Here’s one of the most wonderful things you can give anyone. It’s free, it’s effortless, and you can give it to him every single day.
When you see him, look in his eyes and smile with delight.
There is something primal about being seen and acknowledged by someone we love. Not just, “I see you,” but, “I am so happy to see you. I’m happy to see you even if I just saw you 5 minutes ago.”
That feeling of being seen, of knowing that just being there puts a smile on our loved one’s face, makes us feel so good inside.
We didn’t have to do anything to earn that smile. We just had to show up.
So ease off the pressure about finding the perfect gift. Gifts don’t make or break a relationship. What does make or break a relationship is feeling seen, acknowledged, and special.