It comes to the top of the list in survey after survey:
One of the most desired traits men seek in women.
You can spot confidence instantly. It’s up there with charm and charisma as one of those qualities that makes anyone swoon-worthy. A dab of confidence behind the ear is better than a little red dress for catching his attention.
Too bad they don’t sell confidence in a bottle. Somebody would make a mint.
Because confidence comes and goes.
There’s no such thing as being a confident woman. There’s only a woman who’s feeling confident right now.
So many things can bring us down. Unfortunately, men are one of them.
Men have this funny knack for shattering our confidence to pieces. All it takes is a look or a stray comment.
Even worse, the men who are best at destroying our confidence happen to be the ones we like the most.
Maybe you’ve been there. You’ve met a guy who is absolutely perfect in every way. You can’t find a single flaw in him. He’s single, he seems interested in you, and the game is yours to lose.
You know what happens next.
You talk too fast. You smile too much. You laugh too loudly. You’re this bright, perky flirtation machine who bears no relationship to your normal self.
You start to sweat. Anxiety shoots like smoke from your ears. You excuse yourself. In the restroom, you powder your nose and reapply your lipstick, giving yourself a stern talking to. Just act natural. Just be yourself.
As you walk back towards him, you see him checking his phone.
Your heart thuds into your shoes. You knew it. This is always what happens. He’s bored of you already, and you haven’t even made it past the first date.
It takes more than a pep talk to keep confidence alive when your entire heart and soul is bound up in making a man like you.
It’s easy to be confident when the stakes are low.
Play mini-golf with friends, and you’ll exude easy-breezy confidence. Play in a formal tournament with colleagues you want to impress, and your nerves will be jumping all over the place.
The higher the stakes, the higher it is to hold onto confidence.
So try these 3 ways to keep your self-assurance when self-doubt kicks in.
1. Practice, practice, practice.
The best way to get confidence is NOT to pump yourself up with empowering tunes or tell yourself how awesome you are. (Although those things never hurt!)
The best way to get confident and stay confident is to practice. Get lots and lots of experience.
Talk to every man you meet, regardless of whether he’s your type or your age or even single. Discover how easy it is to make a connection when you’re not putting pressure on yourself.
Go on every date you can. Even if you don’t think you particularly like the guy. Consider it “date training.” The more you date, the more you build your dating skills, and the more confident you become.
In fact, the more you do anything, the more you know—not just believe—you can do it.
2. Blast through limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that have stuck around long past their expiry date, telling you lies like you don’t have anything to offer men, there’s no reason he’d be interested in you, and he’s probably already seeing someone more attractive.
Limiting beliefs mess with our minds. They shoot us in the foot before we’ve even opened our mouths.
So learn to spot them as they come up. Don’t let them bring you down. Challenge them.
Is it really true that men wouldn’t be interested in you? Is it really true that men get bored in your company? Is it really true that men want someone younger and thinner?
Or is this how you sabotage yourself? Believe you don’t have a chance with men, and you can give up. You can stop trying. You don’t have to put yourself out there for rejection.
If you were a fearful person, maybe you’d appreciate being reminded of the inevitability of rejection. But you’re courageous and confident. Don’t listen to the voices that bring you down. Listen to Katy Perry instead.
3. Trick your mind.
It’s easy to feel confident talking to a married guy who’s twice your age, because there’s no possible way anything will happen between you.
So why can’t you feel that same confidence with an attractive single guy who seems perfect for you in every way?
But it takes a little mental tweak.
Have you ever noticed that you get a lot more male attention when you already have a boyfriend? Being attached to someone already means you’re not desperate, you don’t want anything from the guys you meet, and you exude the glow of the well-loved.
So use that to your advantage.
The next time you find your confidence slipping around a guy you really want to impress, try this:
Imagine you’re already seeing another guy who’s 20 times more attractive than this one.
This other guy is rich, successful, and desperately in love with you, but you’re not so sure about him. You’re on the fence.
So here you are, talking to this guy instead. You’re enjoying his company, and you’re intrigued about where it might lead. But even if it goes nowhere, you’re not bothered. You already have a gorgeous devoted man on the backburner.
Just make-believe? Absolutely.
But if imagining a fictitious suitor can take some of the pressure off this encounter, then do it. (Just keep it in your head. No need to mention your made-up story to him!)
Confidence doesn’t come from being the most perfect woman in the room. It comes from having gone through the school of hard knocks.
The more your confidence gets knocked back, the more you learn how to deal with confidence-busters.
So don’t let men make you lose your cool. They’re just guys. They’re not worth an anxiety attack. They don’t hold the power of life or death over you.
Now, if you could just feel that way around your boss….
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