You’re on a date or at a social event, talking with a guy you REALLY like.
He’s not putting the moves on you. Your conversation is starting to feel stilted. Unless you do something NOW, this guy is going to walk away.
What can you do to heat things up?
- Make him feel good about himself by complimenting him, laughing at his jokes, or asking him questions about himself?
- Make him see how amazing you are by telling him something impressive about yourself, telling him a fascinating story about your life, or hinting at all the fun activities coming up for you … activities he could share, if only he decided to date you?
- Sit back, relax, and enjoy your glass of wine (or coffee or water)?
When we want to make an impression on someone, most of us work even HARDER to make him feel good. If he enjoys being with you, he’s going to want to see you again, right?
We also want to make sure WE come across well. A man who’s not responding to our usual tricks makes us feel self-conscious. We feel as if we’re being judged … negatively. So we try to make him like us by showing off a little or being a little more over-the-top.
Neither of those strategies work particularly well—as you’ve probably noticed!
As men’s dating coach David DeAngelo says, “Attraction is not a choice.” A man doesn’t CHOOSE whether he feels attracted to you or not, so you can’t convince him.
Attraction is an EXPERIENCE. It’s something you create in the moment-by-moment dynamic between you.
Which means you have all the power in the world to create attraction, no matter who you are or what you look like.
For men, attraction is physical. It’s embodied. Attraction makes him feel physically alive.
So your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to shift your interaction from a mental exchange of words to a physical exchange of energy.
To do that, you’ve got to get into your body. Stop worrying about what to say or what he said. Stop thinking so much.
Shift your attention to feeling the pleasure of being right here, right now, in this moment, enjoying this company. Appreciate his physicality, the sense of his body near you. What feels really, really good right now?
Let silence fall; you don’t need words. Enjoy the taste of your drink on your lips. Breathe. Smile at him. And feel that sensation of time standing still.
You don’t have to do anything. You can let events unfold as they will. You just have to be here, now, with this man, in this place, enjoying the sensation of two bodies sharing the same space. That physicality sparks instant attraction.