It is SO easy to create an emotional connection with another woman.
You could be standing in line at the grocery store and strike up a heartfelt conversation with the woman in front of you.
But creating an emotional connection with a man?
Not so easy!
Men have an almost instinctive need to impress.
They’re wary of opening up emotionally to a stranger. That wouldn’t be manly.
You can play that game with him. You can act impressed and ask him leading questions, so that he can boast about his accomplishments and how much he knows.
But is that going to help you get to know him better?
Making a man feel better about himself may give you an edge in the attraction stakes, but it won’t help you create an emotional connection.
And it’s the quality of your emotional connection that predicts whether you have a future together.
Does He Have What It Takes to Make Love Last?
The kind of dating advice I used to hear growing up was all about how to make guys like you and want to be with you.
No one ever talked about whether you felt emotionally connected. It just wasn’t important.
Now we know different.
Emotional connection is ESSENTIAL to lifelong love and happiness.
If you feel safe around him, if you feel like you can relax and just be yourself, if you feel like you can trust him to respond with care and concern when you’re in need, then you’ve got a great chance of making it to happily-ever-after.
This is where our dating advice needs a MAJOR update.
Making a man feel good about himself isn’t going to help you find out whether he’s capable of emotional connection.
To do that, you need a different strategy.
3 Ways to Connect With Him
When you spend time with a man you hope to have a relationship with, nudge the conversation into emotional territory.
See how comfortable he is talking about his own feelings. Notice how he reacts when you talk about your own feelings.
Yes, it can feel risky to bring up feelings. Some men shut down as soon as feelings become part of the conversation. (Needless to say, that’s a BAD sign.)
Talking about feelings takes your conversation so much deeper. It opens up the door to vulnerability and trust.
So try these 3 simple strategies today to create a greater emotional connection.
Strategy #1. Feel Him
One of the biggest dating mistakes—for both men and women—is focusing on the conversation.
We think the conversation is all that matters.
We spend so much time thinking about what he’s saying and how we want to respond that we forget what our BODIES are saying.
Our bodies communicate so much more than our words.
Human bodies have evolved over thousands of years to read other human bodies instantly and accurately. (Our ancestors wouldn’t have survived if they assumed a dangerous stranger was peaceful!)
Yet modern life is so mind-heavy that we neglect the wisdom of our highly attuned bodies.
So try this. Stop relying so much on your words, and let your body do some of the talking instead.
When he’s talking, let your whole body take him in. Look at him. Breathe him in. Feel him. Experience him.
Don’t be afraid to let a moment of silence fall after he’s finished. Hold his gaze. Let your eyes communicate warmth and approval.
That moment of physical connection will help him break his mind’s hold, so that he can be with you in the moment.
Strategy #2. Prompt Him
Left to his own devices, he’s unlikely to talk about how he feels.
Instead he’ll tell you what he did, what he thought, what he likes, and what he knows.
It’s up to you to take the conversation deeper.
If he says, “I did this amazing thing,” you can say, “How did you feel afterwards? Were you proud of yourself? Were you surprised that you managed to do it?”
If he says, “I like to spend my free time going to concerts,” you can say, “What is it about concerts that makes you love them so much? Is it the energy? Is it being in a crowd of people?”
You’re getting him to dig deeper into his motivations. He’s gaining greater self-awareness just by talking to you.
And that self-awareness will linger long after he’s said goodbye to you, making it difficult to forget you.
Strategy #3. Notice Him
When you use your whole body to experience him, and you ask questions that help him explore his motivations, you end up with a LOT more information about him.
You understand the type of person he is—not just how he describes himself to you.
Your final step is to show him that you’ve been paying attention.
Think about one thing you’ve learned about him during your time together. Something he hasn’t mentioned directly, but you inferred from what he said. (Just ONE observation—you don’t want to overload him.)
Then tell him what you’ve noticed.
You might say:
- “I’ve noticed that [honesty/nature/friendship/etc] is important to you.”
- “I notice how careful you are with your words. I appreciate that.”
- “It seems to me that you don’t always open up to people very fast. I appreciate you opening up to me.”
- “It seems to me that you’re the kind of person who always treats other people with kindness and respect. I wish there were more people like you around.”
Most men will be surprised and flattered that you’ve been paying that much attention.
He feels seen. He feels heard. He feels appreciated.
And that sets the stage for a true and lasting emotional connection.
Want to learn more about how to emotionally connect with anyone?
Then check out my latest book EFFORTLESSLY LIKABLE.
- How “The Vulnerability Effect” gets people to like you instantly
- How to create a “Charisma Ritual“
- 3 powerful “Attention Attractors“
- How to make people comfortable immediately
- How to create connection with “The Generosity Effect” and “The Similarity Effect“
- Stand out from the crowd by becoming “Inimitable“
- How to stop being afraid of the spotlight
- How being a “Connector” makes people assume you’ve got higher social status than you really do