If you want to see something depressing, look at how desire changes in a marriage.
You couldn’t get enough of each other when you got together. It’s impossible to imagine you could ever stop wanting each other.
But study after study confirms the uncomfortable truth:
Passion declines the longer you’re together.
A 14-year longitudinal study by Dr. Ted Huston at the University of Texas at Austin found that how much you LIKE your partner declines at a rate of 3% a year…
While how much you LUST after your partner declines at a rate of 8% a year.
The interesting twist:
Marriages can cope with the decrease in lust, but they can’t cope with the decrease in liking.
When you stop liking the one you’re with, your relationship is headed for disaster.
So don’t stress out if the sparks are starting to fade. As long as you genuinely like, love, and respect one another, your relationship is in good standing.
But if you want to keep the passion alive, and feel as hot for each other in 10 years as you did when you got together, there are ways to do it.
Here are 3 of the most powerful scientifically-proven strategies to bring the spark back in your relationship.
Tip #1. Break the Habit
We live so much of our life on autopilot.
We eat the same foods. We watch the same channels. We go the same places. We spend our weekends the same way.
Habit is where passion goes to die.
You’re probably thinking this is the part where I tell you that you should spice things up in the bedroom. Absolutely not! What you do in bed is YOUR business.
It’s what you do OUTSIDE the bedroom that matters.
Doing something new in your everyday life, whether it’s trying a new sport, learning something new, or even trying an out-of-the-way restaurant, creates excitement.
And excitement is what feeds passion.
When you and your guy do exciting things together, it makes your relationship exciting…
And that translates into the bedroom.
Tip #2. Miss Each Other
These days, we’re connected 24-7.
Even if you have to go out of town for some reason, you’re still in constant contact as long as you have your phone with you.
Not all that long ago, couples had plenty of time to miss each other. When they headed their separate ways in the morning, they didn’t see each other until evening. They didn’t have email or text or social media to check in with each other.
That sense of space created mystery. You didn’t know what your other half did all day long. He didn’t know what you did all day long. You had to wait until evening before you could find out how his day went.
Even though it’s hard to miss the one you love, and even though it’s frustrating when you don’t know what he’s doing, both of those things boost passion.
As sexuality expert Esther Perel says:
Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.”
Tip #3. The 6-Second Kiss
You haven’t touched each other all day, and now you’re finding it hard to get in the mood. No wonder!
Passion requires a warm-up, which is why one of the most powerful passion-boosters of all may be this tip from the Gottman Institute:
Twice a day, once when you say goodbye in the morning and again when you greet each other again at the end of the day, share a 6-second kiss.
You’ll probably have to time it at first to get a sense of how long 6 seconds feels. It’s a lot longer than a normal kiss! Dr. Gottman calls it a “kiss with potential.”
A 6-second kiss requires commitment. You’ve got to be present with each other. You’ve got to put effort into it. It’s a beautiful reminder of why you’re together and what you have to look forward to.
So the next time you hear someone say you’ve got to spice things up or wear lingerie or act out each other’s fantasies, remember this:
Passion is what gets you into the bedroom in the first place.
Fuel your passion with excitement, missing each other, and passionate kisses, and I’m confident you’ll be able to take the rest from there.