A relationship should lift you up.
It should inspire you to become more than you ever dreamed.
It should be a safe place to retreat to when the world becomes too much.
It should remind you that you’re beautiful, desirable, and worthy of love.
Yet when you think back on your relationship history…
How many relationships have you had that fit that description?
Maybe you’ve had several relationships that started out that way…
Only for reality to sink in.
Those relationships are rare, no doubt.
But they do exist.
If you like the idea of growing alongside a man and living a bigger and bolder life because of him…
Then keep reading to discover three secret keys to creating a relationship better than anything you’ve ever imagined.
Don’t Do This
If you want the best relationship you’ve ever had, you can’t do what you’ve always done.
You see, the relationship advice that women have been given for decades hasn’t worked.
We are flooded with advice on what men want, how to be feminine, and how to make him happy…
And you can see the results all around you.
Are couples happier than ever? Is it easier than ever to find a life partner?
It seems this flood of advice has had the opposite effect. It’s never been so hard to find the man you’ll be with for life.
The advice we’ve been given doesn’t work.
That’s for one very simple reason:
It was designed for outdated relationships.
So Last Century
The love advice industry was born of the need to make sure young people fell in line.
Back in the day, young people weren’t trusted to make good decisions about who to marry. Their families choose their spouses based on factors like finances and politics.
In the 19th century, that began to change.
Young people began demanding a say over who they married. They wanted to marry for love.
But their elders knew that youthful passions were not a good guide for lasting partnerships.
So, instead of ordering these young people to obey them (and risking rebellion), they dispensed advice.
If you glanced through a handful of the dating and relationship advice books from past eras, you’d find they share common themes.
Young men and women should fall in line, follow the rules, be respectable, and play their assigned roles.
They should lead reason and not passion guide them. They should always think of the consequences.
Once married, young women should play the role of adoring wife. She should defer to her husband and make his home life happy and pleasant. She should fill his needs in the bedroom and never let herself go.
This advice prepared young people for conventional marriages, exactly as it was intended to do.
But it didn’t teach them anything about great marriages.
The Science of Great Relationships
Never before have we known so much about what makes relationships tick.
This advice is based on science, not opinion.
Over decades of research, a clear pathway to happiness in love has emerged.
And the agony aunts of the past would be shocked to learn just how much they got wrong.
What is the secret key to lifelong happiness in love?
Well, there are three of them…
3 Keys to Lifelong Happiness in Love
1. An Emotional Intelligence Partner
Perhaps THE most important condition for lifelong happiness in love is choosing an emotionally intelligent partner.
Women in the past were taught to consider a man’s financial resources. But today women no longer need a man’s financial support.
What they do need is his emotional support, and an emotionally intelligent man will provide that in spades.
2. A Partner Who Accepts Your Influence
The next most important condition for lifelong happiness in love is relationship equality.
This means that you feel you have an equal say in your relationship. You’re partners. He’s not the head of household. He doesn’t have the final say. You work together.
But not all men are comfortable sharing power in their relationships. They dismiss their partner’s requests as nagging. As a result, their partners feel like they’re not being heard. It seems to them that he doesn’t care. Relationship dissatisfaction spikes.
The solution to relationship dissatisfaction is a partner who listens and is willing to adapt his behavior in response to his partner’s requests. This is called accepting influence.
3. Psychological Wholeness
When I began my career, dating and relationship experts all said the same thing:
It’s a woman’s job to be feminine, because feminine women and masculine men make the best partnerships.”
Now we know that’s not true.
Relationships characterized by stereotypical gender roles are less happy.
The happiest couples don’t play out rigid gender roles. They’re flexible. They share responsibility in a way that reflects their personal preferences and strengths.
A psychologically whole person cultivates all sides of themselves. They cultivate sensitivity, empathy, and kindness. They cultivate strength, determination, and ambition. They refuse to be limited by gender conventions.
If you find a partner who meets all three of those conditions—he’s emotionally intelligent, accepts your influence, and embraces his sensitivity as well as his strength—then hold him tight and never let him go.
Which one of these conditions surprised you the most? Let me know in the comments!