There’s a good guy you know.
He’s one of those genuinely good guys. His heart is in the right place. He’s generous with his time. He treats women well.
And he cannot get a girlfriend for the life of him.
There’s another guy you know.
He’s a bit of a jerk. He doesn’t treat his girlfriends well. He’s fascinating, unpredictable, and selfish. Everyone around him looks up to him. He’s successful, but he could be even more successful if he’d follow the rules.
If you could spend an evening with one of those two guys, which one would you choose?
The good guy is a friend of yours. You care about him a lot. But you just don’t have that FEELING about him.
The other guy? An entire hour of his undivided attention would make you feel like a teenage girl again, all giddy and electrified.
Sadly, we can’t choose who we’re attracted to…
Or can we?
Attractions of Instinct
When you’re choosing who to date, chemistry is at the top of the list.
If you don’t feel that tingle, this guy might become your friend, but you’d never want to kiss him.
These are what I call attractions of instinct.
One glance at a guy either fires up your mating instincts or sends them to sleep.
Those instincts serve an important purpose.
The human race wouldn’t be here today if Mother Nature hadn’t instilled in us a powerful drive to reproduce.
But most of us want to do more than pass on our genes to future generations.
We want love.
We want partnership.
We want happiness.
And for that, we’ve got to take back the reins of attraction.
We’ve got to make attractions of choice.
Attractions of Choice
Imagine looking at a buffet of every imaginable kind of food.
On one side is all the “naughty” food you restrict in everyday life: fried food, pastries, sweets galore…
And on the other side is all the “healthy” food that you know you should be eating: fruits, vegetables, whole grains.
You want to treat yourself. You want to enjoy every bite of your meal.
Which side of the buffet do you eat from?
Dating is a lot like that buffet.
There are men who are “good for you” and men who are “bad for you.”
There are men who give you that short-term burst of intense pleasure, and there are men who could nourish you for a lifetime.
How to Pick the Right Guy
Nourishing people, like nourishing foods, don’t jump out at you and grab your attention. They’re easy to pass over. They can seem boring at first.
How you really know whether a man is good for you is the way you feel after spending time together.
With guys who are bad for you, you walk away feeling like you’re on Cloud 9, this incredible sense of euphoria, like a sugar rush…
And then you crash.
You start having all these doubts. You want to call him but you’re worried you’ll scare him off. You can’t stand not knowing what he’s doing when he’s away from you.
It’s like an addiction. You want that high again, and you’ll do anything to get it.
With good guys, it’s different. You walk away from spending time with them feeling happy. You just feel good. It’s spending time with someone you’ve known forever. You feel like you’ve plugged yourself into a battery, and now you’re fully recharged and can go off to tackle the world.
These guys give you sustainable energy. They’re constant. They don’t stop liking you just because you said something they disagree with.
It can feel weird not to have all those highs and lows you associate with a relationship. Is it true love if you’re not panicked about losing him? Is it true love if you’re not obsessing over him 24-7?
Of course it is. Because drama, obsession, and desperation are signs of an addiction, not real love.
So stop choosing “fast food” guys and start choosing guys who nourish you, mind, body and soul.