Something must be wrong.
I mean, your friends are in relationships right now. Some are married, some have kids, some broke up but found someone new.
And you watch them…
These couples who have loved each other for so long that you can’t think of one without the other. Bob-and-Janet. Hailey-and-Quinn.
You watch them talking, dancing, laughing. You see how they take each other for granted. They’re always together, always a team.
And you’re standing there by yourself, or maybe with a girlfriend, and you can feel that empty space around you. You’re not connected to anyone. You could leave, and no one would notice.
But you don’t want to get into your cold dark car, and drive to your cold dark house, and face another night talking to yourself because there’s no one else to talk to.
You can’t help but wonder:
What do they have that you don’t?
Why doesn’t anyone love YOU like that?
Don’t Believe These Reasons
If you search for “3 reasons why I’m still single” on Google, you’ll find things like:
- You’re afraid of intimacy.
- You’ve got emotional blocks with men.
- You’re not feminine enough.
- You’re too picky.
- You’re too needy.
- You’re a doormat.
I could go on and on.
The idea is that there’s something wrong with you. If you genuinely were a catch, if you were living your best life, if you’d done the inner work … then a great man would snap you up in a heartbeat.
That’s complete B.S.!
Women get married every day to men who want to be with them even though they’ve still got issues, even though they still struggle, even though they haven’t figured their life out yet.
And if you asked these guys why they’re marrying these women, they’d say they’re just delighted that someone wants to be with them enough to say yes to a lifetime together.
It feels amazing to finally find someone who is interested in you for YOU. Not for what they can get out of you, not because you’re some sort of a catch, but because you’re a real human being with flaws and insecurities and hopes and dreams.
When you find someone who likes you, who gets you, who appreciates you, who wants to get to know you and listen to you and find out what you like and give it to you … you’re on your way to something beautiful.
That’s what’s blocking us from relationships.
It’s not that we’re not good enough. It’s that we’re not creating those quality connections.
You’re Not Connecting with Him
We’re single because #1, we haven’t taken that first step of getting super-curious and interested in someone.
Dating works against getting to know each other. We go out on a date and we play out this script where we ask each other questions and pretend to be interested in the answers, but all we’re really interested in is finding out whether the other person is relationship material.
And let be honest: it’s hard to find a guy you want to get to know better. And that’s okay!
Other times, we are interested in someone, but we don’t allow ourselves to show that curiosity. We hold back until he shows clear signs of interest in us, because we don’t want to make the first move. And we end up waiting forever, because he’s waiting for a green light from us.
So get curious! Even if you don’t think he’s a match, he’s worth getting to know.
He’s Not Connecting with You
We’re also single because, #2, we haven’t met a guy who’s curious about us.
That could be because guys are superficial—and some are—but it also could be because we’re not putting ourselves into situations where we open up with someone new.
If you go to a social gathering and you only spend time with your friends or you just watch and say nothing, you’re not giving anyone an opening to get to know you.
People become curious about you when you make it easy for them. So get comfortable starting conversations. Get comfortable talking about yourself and the interesting things you’ve done. Believe that people want to hear what you have to say!
It’s Life, Not You
Finally, sometimes we’re single because life sucks.
You could do all the right things. You could put yourself out there, you could pursue interesting connections, and you could still come home each night to an empty apartment.
Love isn’t some kind of reward given to people who deserve it. You don’t suddenly become more valuable because a man has picked you out of all the other women out there. You have a lot to offer whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Your life is yours to live, and you will do an amazing job regardless of whether a man is along for the ride or not.
Yes, it’s wonderful to have a life partner. But it’s also wonderful to be a good human being, and do good work, and be a good friend, and make a difference in the world.
We all want great things to happen to us. But ultimately life is lived day by day. Find opportunities for connection in your daily life and nourish yourself with those. Love comes from a lot of places, not just men.