The Opposite of Love

The opposite of love isn’t hate. 

(Terry Real even coined a name for it: “normal marital hatred.” Of course you’re going to occasionally hate the person you’re spending the rest of your life with. Love and hate coexist.)

 The opposite of love isn’t fear.

(Anyone with a child knows this: the more you love, the more you fear. Many people love and fear God. Love and fear coexist.)

 The opposite of love isn’t indifference.

(Sometimes you don’t feel anything towards the person you’ve been with for years. That’s not a sign that the love is gone; love just hibernates at times. Love and indifference coexist.)

The opposite of love is something else entirely.

For many thinkers – including M. Scott Peck, bell hooks, Stephen Covey – love is not a feeling. It’s a verb. It’s how you treat the one you love.

Love is the will to extend yourself for the purpose of nurturing your beloved’s wellbeing. It’s care.

And what’s the opposite of care?

It’s harm.

The opposite of love is abuse.

But what’s abuse?

Sometimes your guy is a jerk and hurts you, but that doesn’t make him bad.

Here’s how to draw the line between the two:

Did he intend to hurt you?

Does he get satisfaction from it?

If you want to know why he does it, read this.