Your ex deserves every nasty, mean, petty thought you can hurl at him.
How could he DO this? Doesn’t he realize what he’s throwing away?
So here’s how you’re going to get over your breakup and bounce back better than before…
You’re going to listen to Samantha Burns and do EVERYTHING she says.
Samantha is known as the “Millennial Love Expert.” She’s been helping women heal from heartbreak in her own private practice in Boston for years.
Now you can discover her heartbreak-healing system for yourself with Samantha’s new book, Breaking Up & Bouncing Back: Moving on to Create the Love Life You Deserve, which has JUST been released on Amazon.
Discover her tips for getting over him, finding yourself, and attracting a new love that will knock your socks off.
What You’ll Learn
Samantha didn’t find her true passion until her own breakup brought her to her knees.
She was a clinical licensed mental health counselor, a couples therapist and a coach. But none of that protected her from heartbreak.
“What really inspired me was my own big breakup that I went through over 5 years ago,” she says. “That really … made me question my self-worth and my identity and who I was. It was by far the biggest pain that I had ever experienced.”
And the way it happened made it even worse.
On the very same day she was expecting him to propose, he broke it off instead. “I just can’t do it,” he told her. “I don’t think you’re the One.”
Samantha “couldn’t understand what went wrong, or what was missing, or why [she] wasn’t good enough.”
“And if I was this licensed counselor,” she adds, “and I had relatively good coping skills and a strong support network and this extra knowledge that the typical population doesn’t have and I was this devastated … how must everyone else feel going through their own heartbreak?”
She decided then and there that she would learn everything she could, with the aim of creating a “step-by-step plan for surviving heartbreak.”
And not just surviving … but THRIVING.
Surviving the Initial Heartbreak
Thriving can feel like a tall order when you’ve just broken up. It feels like your world just ended. You feel so alone.
But Samantha wants you to know that amazing love is on the horizon for you, as long as you do the work.
“We feel so lost after a breakup because our identity was wrapped around someone else,” she says. “Our lives were intertwined, and we’re not quite sure who we are. We feel so lost because we know we’re not the person we used to be before the relationship.”
Post-breakup, it’s time to find yourself again.
Instead of crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and binge-watching “The Notebook” on Netflix, it’s better to try these 3 proven strategies:
- Quality time with friends “who understand the pain you’re in, who aren’t judging you for it or telling you to just get over it.”
- Exercise to help you through feelings of depression and anxiety
- Creating new goals for yourself, whether professional or personal
Although the benefits of spending time with friends and exercising are clear, the reason for creating new goals for yourself may not be so obvious.
Finding new things to focus on creates “a new sense of identity and purpose,” Samantha says. In the aftermath of a breakup, you want to ask yourself who you are without this person in your life. You also want to consider who you want to become.
To help you through, Samantha has developed “a process and exercises and mindsets that [people] can have to help them through the worst experience of their lives.”
There’s no magic bullet to get over heartbreak. Not for you, and not for him.
It’s a myth that men get over a breakup faster, Samantha says. “It’s not that men just don’t care. It’s just that they don’t necessarily have the skills to really process in the moment.” It will hit them eventually, sometimes 6 months later. In the meantime, “they’re very good at compartmentalizing their pain.”
Women, on the other hand, are better at identifying their emotions and talking about them.
Finding a Better Love
Hanging onto the past can get in the way of attracting new love into your life.
“I see so many people, women in particular, stick it out in mediocre relationships because they desperately want to be loved,” Samantha says. “They’ve invested time and energy and love and commitment and finances into making it work, so they feel this internal pressure. Otherwise, it feels like a failure….”
“So we are forcing something to work when it really shouldn’t work,” she explains. “I believe you can really love someone, but it doesn’t mean they’re your best match.”
The secret to attracting a higher quality partner the next time around is to work on yourself.
You need to “take accountability for [your] part in the downfall of the relationship. That might be for sticking it out with someone who didn’t treat [you] well and allowing [yourself] to be treated that way.”
Once you have that awareness, it’s time to forgive yourself.
You still may find yourself questioning your worth. Those feelings of not being good enough may “stem from deeper emotional wounds that date back to childhood.” Healing those wounds, Samantha promises, can help you “create a healthier framework and foundation for love.”
Following the process Samantha has laid out in her book, you can then “start attracting higher quality partners, people who can love [you] reciprocally, who can put in equal effort, who treat [you] with value and respect.”
You may even find yourself feeling grateful for the breakup.
If you hadn’t split up, you wouldn’t have discovered this FABULOUS new you!
Jump to Topics of Interest
2:56 How Samantha Burns became a breakup expert
4:52 Samantha’s book, Breaking Up and Bouncing Back
6:51 Breakup triage: what you should do in the immediate aftermath of a breakup
9:33 The importance of using your support network to heal
10:41 How men and women process breakups differently
13:12 Just because a relationship COULD work doesn’t mean it SHOULD work
16:01 Are we ending up in failed relationships because of past childhood wounds or because we’re making mistakes?
17:38 You are not alone
About Samantha Burns
Samantha is a licensed counselor and relationship coach who helps singles survive a soul-crushing breakup and become smarter, more intentional daters so they can move on to create the love life they deserve. Samantha runs a private practice is Boston and works with clients virtually around the country. Find out how you can work with Samantha.