It is so hard to find someone you like.
That’s why you don’t just throw a relationship away. It took you so much time and effort to get here. Sure, it’s not perfect, but no relationship is.
I used to believe that if you wanted to make a relationship work, you could. It was only a matter of figuring out how to get along. It didn’t even matter if he wasn’t willing—you could turn the relationship around yourself.
But there’s a condition…
Some relationships shouldn’t be saved.
Some relationships harm you, physically and emotionally. The best thing you can do is get out.
Being in a bad marriage puts your health at risk. You get sick more often. You take longer to heal. Your risk of heart disease and depression goes up.
So how do you know if your relationship has crossed that line?
You watch for these 5 signs.
Warning Sign #1.
When your guy does something that hurts you, and you go to talk to him about it, he blames what he did on you.
You made him do it. What was he expected to do? You pushed him too far. Any normal man would have responded like that. You’re just lucky that’s all he did.
Warning Sign #2.
When your guy does something that hurts you, and you go to talk to him about it, he disputes it.
That isn’t how it happened. You got it wrong. You said it happened this day, and it happened a different day. See? That’s proof you’re lying. You’re making up stuff. You’re just trying to get him in trouble.
Warning Sign #3.
When your guy does something that hurts you, and you go to talk to him about it, he claims that you’re the one attacking him.
He’s the victim here. He was just sitting here minding his own business when you come up and start yelling at him. What about forgive and forget? Why do you hold onto this stuff? It’s like you want to paint him as the bad guy. You’re no Little Miss Perfect yourself.
Warning Sign #4.
When your guy does something that hurts you, and you go to talk to him about it, he says you’re overreacting.
Get over yourself. Stop being so sensitive. Can’t you take a joke? Crazy woman. Is it your time of the month? He doesn’t have to put up with your wild accusations. He’ll talk when you’re reasonable again.
Warning Sign #5.
When your guy does something that hurts you, and you go to talk to him about it, he denies responsibility.
Your feelings are your feelings. You’re responsible for how you took it. No one can hurt anyone without their consent. You’re trying to guilt-trip him, and he’s sick of it. Grow up.
Now…
Maybe some of you right now are nodding your head and thinking, “Uh huh, yep, I’ve heard that before.”
If your guy has only said this sort of thing to you once or twice, and most of the time he’s good at hearing you out, then I wouldn’t worry.
But if your guy says this sort of stuff to you a lot, then I have a challenge for you.
Watch this interview I did with Patricia Evans, then go get her book The Verbally Abusive Relationship.
Read it. See if you resonate with what it says.
I will simply say that that book changed my life. I was in a relationship at the time where my partner was coming down on me hard. He raged at me, said it was all my fault, denied everything that happened, to the point that I thought I was going crazy—which, of course, he would have agreed with.
Patricia Evans helped me see that it wasn’t me. It was like she could see inside my relationship. I will always be grateful to her for helping me realize that it wasn’t okay to be treated like that.
Does it scare you to think about the fact that your relationship might be that bad? I hear you. Because if you pretend it’s not happening, then maybe it’s not happening. And that can feel better than facing up to the fact that this man you love is doing something pretty awful to you.
For those of you watching who’ve been in relationships like these before, how did you handle it? Did you leave? Did you try getting help? If you feel comfortable, share your story with us in the comments.
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