How far would you go to win the man of your dreams?
Would you wear the kinds of clothes he likes—even if it’s not really your style?
Would you learn everything about his favorite sport—even if sports aren’t really your thing?
Would you make friends with all of his friends? Would you adapt your life so that he doesn’t have to change anything?
That question of how far we should go to win a man’s love is a tough one.
We assume it’s our job to be the kind of woman that he wants. But is it?
Is what a guy wants REALLY for us to change ourselves for him?
I wanted to hear the answer straight from a guy himself—a guy I could trust to give me the no-BS truth.
And my great friend Mat Shaffer, dating coach extraordinaire, stepped up and agreed to let us women in on a little secret…
There’s a sneaky way men test a woman’s “value”…
That I had NEVER heard of before!
Listen and learn as Mat reveals how “collapsing your frame” makes you lose value in his eyes…
Why he trusts you LESS when you try to show him you’re the perfect girlfriend…
And how “get the guy” behavior may actually DRIVE AWAY great relationships.
Plus, make sure to watch until the end for a very special invitation!
Mat will be inviting YOU to join him on a live coaching experience like NOTHING you’ve experienced before.
It’s 3 weeks of laughter, tears, breakthroughs, community…
He’s ready to reserve your place at NO COST in exchange for helping him out with feedback and testimonials!
I don’t know many dating coaches as generous or big-hearted as Mat. I am SO excited for you to get this chance to work with him. 🙂 It kicks off Monday August 9th, so reserve your place now!
What You’ll Learn
I asked Mat:
True or false? Do men actually like it when women change for them?”
And Mat was just as blunt in his answer.
In fact, this is a SECRET TEST that men give women.
When a woman changes herself to become who she thinks he wants her to be, she actually LOSES VALUE in his eyes.
She THINKS she’s proving that she’ll be a good partner (because she’s willing to become interested in the things he’s interested in and change her life to fit his).
But instead what she’s showing him is that she’s a chameleon.
“If a woman is suppressing or hiding aspects of herself, or she’s not being fully real and authentic with us, we can feel it,” Mat says.
“And if we feel a disconnect between who we’re experiencing and who we think that person is … we’re going to be like, ‘Maybe this isn’t someone I can trust.'”
That’s the LAST thing you want to be communicating to a man!
Here’s why men love your authenticity—even if it highlights how different you are.
Don’t Collapse Your Frame
‘Whenever a man and a woman come together,” Mat explains, “he has his frame” and she has her frame.
A man’s “frame is who he understands himself to be. It’s his beliefs. It’s his values. It’s his hobbies. It’s his passions.”
When a man evaluates a woman as potential relationship material, he wants to know who she is first. He wants to know what her beliefs, values, hobbies and passions are. “He wants to FEEL her frame,” Mat explains.
Without knowing those things about her, he won’t know if they’re a good match.
But when a woman meets a high-value man that she’s super-excited about, what she often does is collapse her frame into his frame.
If he loves baseball, she loves baseball. If he tells a joke, she laughs whether it’s funny or not.
She becomes more like him.
And he can tell.
He doesn’t want a partner who’s a female version of him.
He wants a partner who is different. He wants to feel her edge.
“We want to experience contrast,” Mat says. “It’s hot to a guy to feel that a woman doesn’t feel the need to tiptoe around who she is.”
“Playfully making fun of the differences between your frame and your partner’s frame is actually a way to build value with him, because it’s showing that you’re unapologetic about the fact that y’all are different—and that’s hot.”
But Aren’t You Just Showing Him You’re Compatible?
Women don’t pick up their partner’s interests because they are trying to mislead him.
They do it because that’s just what women DO when they love someone!
They want to fit together with him. They want to become one.
And right now, in our culture, it’s often easier for a woman to adapt to the man in her life than it is for a man to adapt to the woman in his life.
But, as Mat points out, changing yourself for someone else is not authentic, and it’s not sustainable.
If you’re “constantly trying to tailor who [you] are to [your] partner,” how long as you going to be able to keep it up?
“You’re not going to be a human highlight reel forever,” he points out.
“Your deep personal relationships are one of the few areas of your life where ideally you can be unapologetically yourself,” he continues.
Your partner should be your sanctuary. Your relationship should be a place where both of you can drop your walls and be that vulnerable, flawed human being that you can’t always be out in the world.
But if you are trying to become this tailored, doctored version of yourself to please him, he can sense it.
You’re not dropping your walls. You’re not allowing him to see that “perfectly imperfect” person you are inside. As a result, he feels he can’t trust you. He doesn’t even know who you really are.
“Part of being in a meaningful relationship is seeing and accepting that other person for who they are,” Mat says.
If you can’t drop your walls and let another person in… how can you expect him to?
Attract Men from a Feminine Space
Yet most popular dating advice tells you to figure out what guys want and give it to them. Be what a man wants. Even if it means turning yourself into a pretzel.
Mat has a different perspective.
He sees that as a very masculine way to go about attracting love.
When you’re in your masculine, you are going after your goal. You want a guy, and you will do whatever it takes to get him.
“All this highly strategic ‘get-the-guy’ type of dating advice [is] fundamentally coming from a masculine space,” he explains.
What you want to do is attract love from a feminine space.
Your only objective is to is to ask yourself, ‘Who am I at my deepest level? What does it look for me to unapologetically express who I am in the most radiant magnetic way possible?’ And just be that… and then allow [yourself] to experience men who are drawn to that energy.”
You’ll be able to “attract the perfect partner for you purely by how you’re showing up, because you know who you are and you know what you want… rather than trying to hunt a guy down that you think is going to make you happy.”
How YOU Can Express Your Magnetic, Radiant Self
Mat wants to help every woman he can reach.
That’s why he’s doing a trial run of his signature course Mastery of Connection starting August 9th, and he would love to save a space for you—at no cost!
You’ll get to experience a 3-week portion of his $2,000 course at NO cost to you, in exchange for feedback and testimonials.
The course “helps you really understand how you connect with yourself and with men from the inside out.” It covers belief work, attachment style, personality types.
“There are a lot of things that I firmly believe are the foundation of you being able to be in a powerful relationship, that have nothing to do with texting him this or saying this to him. It’s so much deeper than that.”
“We’re gonna have a blast,” Mat says. “It’s always so much fun. We get women from around the world. I’m going to have a full team of coaches working with me.”
He’ll be doing over a dozen live workshops, in addition to video modules and group coaching.
It’s also a “powerful communal experience,” Mat adds. The course creates “this loving community of huge-hearted women. Friendships are formed during these courses that have gone on for years.”
What you’ll learn on the course will improve your love life whether you’re single or in a relationship.”
“Every relationship is just a mirror for you,” Mat says. “So when you do inner work and you learn to understand yourself better, your relationships reflect that.”
It all starts Monday, August 9th, and lasts through August 30th.
Even if you’ve just seen this now and aren’t sure whether there’s time to get in, Mat says he’ll be letting people in throughout the course, until its last few days.
Mat wants you to know this:
“You are fundamentally, foundationally worthy of love. You are worthy of being seen and cherished and celebrated for who you are.”
Are you ready to embrace your future?
Mat is an experienced intuitive coach for women looking to foster deep connection and personal empowerment so they can experience freedom, joy and fulfilling relationships in all areas of their lives. He draws on years of personal development and emotional intelligence training to provide world class coaching to women hungry to reach the next level in any or all areas of their lives. Claim your chance to work with Mat!