Here’s how you scare men away in two easy steps:
- Care about the relationship more than he does.
- Do more for him than he does for you.
Ouch – harsh, but true.
As a love coach, I see so many women who’ve invested everything in a “relationship” with a guy who has never said they’re in a relationship.
He’s set boundaries. He’s been open about not wanting a relationship (he’s avoidant, he’s getting over hurt). When you’ve tried to get closer, he’s pulled away.
He’s reinforced his boundaries in 1001 tiny ways. Maybe he’s even been gentle about it. Respectful. Clear that a relationship is not what he has on offer.
Yet your heart keeps going pitter-patter.
You see what a good man he is. You know how great it is when you spend time together. You obsess about how amazing it would be if you were together for real.
Dating advice would have you believe that you can and should get what you want.
You can convince him. You can make him see. You can get him into you.
But let’s take a step back.
What if this were a man doing this to you?
He’s intensely into you. He keeps wanting to talk about your “relationship.” You’ve told him you just want to be friends. You’ve taken a step back when he gets closer than you feel comfortable. But he won’t let it go. He tries not to pressure you, but it’s clear he wants more.
You like him a ton, but you’re finding his interest in you uncomfortable. You love being his friend. You think he’s a really great guy. But you might have to pull away from your friendship. The difference between what you want and what he wants is just too much.
I’ve been in both those places.
As the woman having to gently end a friendship because he wouldn’t get the picture…
And as the woman in love with a friend who was very clear about his limits.
Both hurt.
Both feel unfair.
But both have taught me so much.
There’s value in taking a step back from something that’s hurting you.
If you’re stressing, worrying, or obsessing about what’s going on with a guy, then “fixing it” may not be the solution.
Instead, step away for a while. At least until your thoughts settle and you’re back to feeling like yourself again.
Obsessing about someone and overgiving aren’t good for us. They’re signs we need nourishment: social, emotional, spiritual.
Feed your soul. Then revisit him.
He may be less important than you think.
Let us know what you think!