It’s the risk you take when you put up an online dating profile.
You’re bombarded with messages from guys who don’t seem to be making any effort. You wonder if they’ve even read your profile. All they can say for themselves is “Hi,” “You are sexy,” or something even less appealing.
At LAST you come across a guy who seems promising. He’s read your profile, he has a basic command of grammar and spelling, and he likes some of the things you like.
You strike up some good back-and-forth banter, and you’re waiting for him to ask to meet you when…
He disappears off the face of the earth.
Why give up now, just when things were getting so good?
Was it something you said? Did you do something wrong?
The answer is maybe. Let me explain.
As a dating coach for men as well as women, I see both sides of the story. I get why it’s hard for men and why it’s hard—in different ways—for women.
To understand why men sometimes stop responding, I want you to fully understand the online dating experience for a man looking for a serious relationship.
First, he takes a bunch of time writing a profile and selecting photos. Next, he scours the site for a woman that (1) catches his eye and (2 – even more difficult) has a profile that shows their lives would mesh well, e.g., similar interests and no deal breakers.
Now, he either writes a charming message or simply writes, “Hi.”
Why do men looking for a relationship send out one-word messages? Don’t they realize how little imagination it shows?
Men have to send out a LOT of messages in order to get just ONE response. They get tired of writing what they perceive as well-crafted messages only to get no response at all.
It ends up being more efficient just to say, “Hi,” in order to see if she’s interested. If she responds back, then he’ll invest the time in writing something a little more sophisticated.
My advice is NOT to judge men strictly on their first message. Look at the message, and then look at his profile. A strong, well-written profile and/or high match percentage should compensate for a weak message.
Don’t waste too much time analyzing his profile picture(s). It’s almost impossible to determine if you’ll have chemistry from an image, so just make sure he’s not disgusting!
So you finally got a guy roped into your spell, and he suddenly stops writing you. Did you mess it up?
For the Sophia Vergaras of the world—who get 20 messages a day and are drop-dead gorgeous—it’s important to make men jump through a few hoops in order to get a date. You want to make sure a guy is interested in more than your looks.
For the rest of us average-looking folks, it’s okay to have some back-and-forth in order to build comfort and make sure you can have a conversation. However, if you start noticing a trend where guy after guy is disappearing on you, here is how to fix it:
Get to an in-person date much faster!
You can try saying, “Thanks for the note. I am not a huge fan of chatting online. I prefer to see if there is some chemistry in person. Let me know if you would like grab a coffee (or drink) sometime.”
Why is this so effective?
Most men hate chatting online, texting, and especially speaking on the phone. Men want to talk face-to-face. They want to see if they are attracted to you in person. Otherwise, they feel as if they’re wasting time.
Some of you might be saying, “Mike, you want ME to ask a guy out???”
My answer is emphatically, “Yes!!!”
It doesn’t matter who asks who out. All that matters is that, when you meet, you like each other. If you go back and forth online for too long, you jeopardize losing a guy’s interest.
Unless you are Sophia Vergara, get to the date ASAP. Figure out quickly if you would be willing to see him again.
The more you play the game the GUY wants to play, instead of the game YOU want to play, the easier you are to date. The easier you are to date, the more excited a guy is to pursue you. Make it too hard, and most men will give up.
You might be thinking, “But Mike! Shouldn’t I be waiting for the guy who doesn’t give up?”
The answer is yes, but if you make it too hard, you may be waiting a long time.
Now, I am not asking you to bow to his every need. But, now that you know how he thinks, perhaps you might want to make his life a little easier.
Reduce a man’s risk of rejection, and he will be one happy man. A happy man is a man who is going to pursue you, cherish you, and make you feel special.
Want More Mike?
Then make sure to watch our interview with Mike where he reveals 5 ways to show him you’re The One!