What triggers the commitment switch in a man?
Is it all the things you do for him? How you look? The risk of losing you?
EZ Dating Coach Mike Goldstein doesn’t think it’s any of those things.
What makes a man realize you’re the one is actually something MUCH simpler.
Mike is one of the most successful dating coaches in the country. 83% of his clients end up in a relationship, usually within 3 to 4 months. He has been featured on the Today Show, Reader’s Digest, and Shape magazine.
In our latest YBTV interview, Mike talks with us about the subtle clues that show a man you’re the one for him.
What You’ll Learn
Bottom line is: just be authentic.”
Mike Goldstein has got men pegged:
“A man just wants to go through life smiling and happy as often as he can.”
So the easiest way for a woman show a man she’s THE ONE is to jump on board the happiness train with him.
When “she’s already happy, and the things he’s doing [for her are] the icing on the cake,” then he feels confident they’re going to be happy together forever. And when “he feels wildly, wildly confident that he can keep that woman happy forever,” he wants to commit to her.
Sounds great … but how does it work in practice?
Tip #1. Take a compliment.
One of the easiest things a woman can do to show a man that he can make her happy is to accept his compliments.
When a man says something nice to you, don’t get embarrassed. Don’t return the favor by immediately saying something nice back. Simply smile at him and say, “Thank you.”
Tip #2. Don’t feel obligated.
Men test the waters to see if they can make you happy in a number of ways. One of those ways is paying for dinner or an outing.
But it’s hard to know these days how to react to his offer to pay. If you accept, does that mean he’ll expect something in return?
“You don’t owe him anything,” Mike says. “If he is offering to pay, he made that decision.” Whatever happens after that is up to you.
Showing a man that he can make you happy doesn’t mean gushing over everything he does. It simply means expressing pleasure in anything that pleases you. Ultimately, men prefer you to be confident.
Confidence is being comfortable in your skin and doing what’s authentic to you. So if he is saying something funny, by all means laugh. But if it’s something silly, that’s not your job to make him feel funny. It’s your job to get to know him. It’s your job to be present, to listen, to be part of the date. But you’re not there to make him feel comfortable in his skin. He’s got to do that himself.”
Tip #3: Make him feel needed and appreciated.
Mike teaches his clients a principle called “needed/appreciated.”
Ask a man to do something for you, which shows him he’s needed. When he does it, express gratitude, which makes him feel appreciated.
When you use this principle in your relationships, it shows your guy that you want him, you rely on him, and he has an important role in your life. He knows you can do it all on your own. Which is why it’s so special that you’ve chosen to lean on him.
If you’ve been wary of needing anything from a man, think again.
Super-independent women don’t always realize that “there’s another level of confidence and independence. The next level is when you’re so confident that you’ve got it and you can do anything yourself that you allow a man to do things for you. Now you’re truly a queen, because it’s like—not that he’s a servant—but he’s doing things for you and you get to just sit there and lean back and be like, ‘Yes!'”
Tip #4. Tell him what you want.
As much as men like making the woman in their life happy, they also love it when the woman in their life does something for them. Giving and receiving should be 50:50 in a relationship.
But men don’t always know what to give you. In the beginning of a relationship it’s easy, because there’s always flowers or chocolates or surprises. After you’ve been together for a while, he runs out of ideas.
Keep him inspired by letting him know how he can please you. Men are terrible at reading women’s minds, so be direct. He’ll miss your subtle hint.
Tip #5. Be honest about the future.
For women, it is freaking sexy to say you want to get married and have a life partner, if you do it with confidence.”
Most of us have learned to keep our desire for long-term commitment under wraps. We’ve been taught that guys don’t want the same things we do.
But what if that’s not true?
When you can say you want a relationship because “my life is so abundant, and I just want someone to be a part of this. I want to share it with them, and I want to have this magical love where we validate each other, we support each other. It’s just a beautiful relationship of best friends combining lives. Well, the guy’s like, ‘Whoa, that’s hot!”
What’s not as hot is wanting to be in a relationship with him because you just want to be in a relationship with somebody.
“Men don’t want to be used,” Mike adds. “Men just want to get loved, the same as women.”
Coaching with Mike
If you’re serious about finding the one, Mike can help you.
“I believe I have the most successful program in the entire country at taking single people and putting them into relationships…. I’ve got the most succinct process of getting you into a relationship that’s highly efficient, that’s all based on math and data and science,” he says.
He aims to get clients into a relationship within three or four months of working with him. With coaching on how to set sexy boundaries, how to communicate, and how men work, “at the end of six months you’re in that healthy happy relationship that’s gonna last forever.”
Get Mike’s free gift: “Why Men Pull Away.”
Jump to Topics of Interest
2:29 What makes him realize you’re one?
3:21 Men just want to be happy
5:00 How to take a compliment
7:00 Who pays
12:59 Telling him what you want
15:02 Can you sleep with him too soon?
16:40 Don’t be shy about telling him you want a life partner
17:49 What’s your why?
19:51 Why you want to work with Mike
22:05 Start messaging men!
Mike is an online dating expert and founder of EZ Dating Coach. He has been featured on the Today Show, The Star Ledger, Reader’s Digest, and Shape Magazine. Mike gets 83% of his clients into relationships. His specialty is using data from multiple online dating sites to ensure his clients typically only need to meet 6 to 8 people to find someone they like. Mike’s clients usually get into a relationship with in 3 to 4 months of working with him. Find out how you can work with Mike.