You’re busy. You’re stressed.
Life is like a steamroller. It just never stops.
On top of all that, you’re trying to date. You don’t want to be alone for the rest of your life.
But hopping on Match.com is the last thing you want to do after a long day. You’re tired of dressing up to meet men who don’t seem to appreciate the effort you made.
Dating and relationship expert Amy Waterman thinks we’ve got it all wrong.
Dating shouldn’t be more work on top of an already overworked schedule.
Instead, it should be about one thing only:
What You’ll Learn
Pleasure is not optional. Pleasure is essential in everything you do, from how you have sex to who you date to how you eat.”
If you’ve always thought pleasure was optional…
Something for hedonists and lushes, but not for serious-minded women with a lot to do…
Amy Waterman has the science to prove otherwise.
“Pleasure is a sign from our body that everything is working the way it should be,” she says.
Pleasure goes hand in hand with optimal health. It triggers the production of nitric oxide, which helps blood flow more smoothly. It can even help you from getting sick, as “your immune system works better when you get regular doses of pleasure.”
What Is Pleasure?
The kind of pleasure Amy is talking about isn’t the pleasure peddled by marketers who want you to buy their product or invest in a high-ticket vacation. It’s a specific physical response in the body.
“The easiest way to think about it,” she says, “is your body has two modes: Chill Mode and Freak Mode.”
She explains, “Chill mode is when you’re relaxed and everything is just easy and digestion flows and your heart rate is even and your blood pressure goes down. This is the mode we want to be in. But how do we spend most of our time?”
We spend most of our time in Freak Mode: stressed out, blood pressure skyrocketing, bodies pumping out the cortisol.
That’s a BIG problem when it comes to dating.
“Biology, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that if you are running away from a saber-toothed tiger, you don’t want to have your attention distracted by that handsome sexy caveman over there,” she says.
Nature shuts down reproduction when you’re in Freak Mode to help you survive.
“You literally cannot get your sexy on when you’re stressed out all the time.”
Pleasure in the Bedroom
What the Pleasure Principle helps women do is to learn how to activate that Chill Mode through pleasure and emit such sexy vibes that you become ‘virtual Viagra.'”
The biggest shift for women practicing the Pleasure Principle is turning their attention from pleasing men to their own pleasure.
Women have been taught that “we give sex to men to make them happy—because men have a high sex drive, we need to keep them satisfied. If we don’t keep them satisfied, they’ll stray.”
But what if YOUR pleasure is the key to his satisfaction?
“Pleasure is contagious,” Amy says. “So [if] you want to turn a guy on, forget about him. Turn YOURSELF on.”
Your Inner Bad Girl Knows the Way
How can you start practicing the Pleasure Principle?
It starts by getting in touch with your Inner Bad Girl, Amy says.
“All of us girls, when we grow up, have a choice as to who we’re going to become in life,” she says.
“We can become the good girl who does everything right, who follows all the rules that society sets out for us, and gets lots of praise from our parents and teachers … OR we can be that naughty, terrible bad girl [who] does what she wants, doesn’t listen to anyone else, and is solely interested in her pleasure.”
Most of us chose to be the good girl. But that choice came at a cost..
By doing everything right, we started to prioritize society’s rules over the feelings of our own heart and what’s going on inside us.”
Getting back in touch with your pleasure means making friends with your Inner Bad Girl.
“What I ask all good girls to do is imagine that inside of them is this bad girl,” Amy says. “And that bad girl isn’t actually bad. She’s actually a disowned part of yourself, when you had all these desires and and wants, and you were told that they were selfish or they were not something good girls did.”
The next time you go out on a date, take your Inner Bad Girl with you. Instead of trying to make him like you, focus on how YOU feel about him. Your pleasure is a sign that this is a man worth pursuing.
The Pleasure Principle in Relationships
Pleasure can help you attract the man of your dreams, but it’s even more important once you get into a relationship.
When you’re dating, experiencing pleasure together is your main focus. But then you move in together, and your life gets caught up with work and chores and problems.
You start to fight. You start to get annoyed with each other. You start to find fault in the relationship.
“The more problems you focus on, the more problems you find,” Amy says, “and the bigger those problems grow. You THINK that the solution is to fix your problems. Sometimes, that’s not the solution at all. Sometimes, the solution is: you need to turn around and look away from your problems and look towards pleasure again.”
“When we really value pleasure … we get more of in our life, because we make time for it, we make space for it, we relax and let ourselves go,” Amy says. But it’s not always easy.
As “women we are overcoming centuries .. of conditioning of self-sacrifice and putting our needs below everyone else’s.” It can be tough to overturn that without support.
“I’ve got a whole book that can help teach you every step of the way how to do it,” she says. “It’s a lifestyle.”
If you’ve been told you need to reduce the stress in your life or meditate or do yoga, then try this first. Get more pleasure in your life. Pleasure makes you relax. Plus, it’s fun!
Want to find out how to do it? Get The Pleasure Principle.
Jump to Topics of Interest
0:50 Life-changing benefits of pleasure
2:52 What is pleasure?
6:40 Pleasure and sex in relationships
9:53 Pleasure is contagious
11:22 Owning your inner bad girl
15:22 Can he give you pleasure in a way you can receive it?
16:28 How pleasure can help a rocky relationship
20:23 How pleasure can help your diet
23:09 Pleasure advice for workaholics
25:19 Don’t go on your pleasure journey alone
Amy Waterman, M.A., is an old-timer in the field of dating and relationships. Her work has appeared in over a dozen online courses, including The Pleasure Principlek, Save My Marriage Today, Connect & Commit, and How to Be Irresistible to Men. With two decades of international travel under her belt, she knows that the search for love is at the heart of the human experience.