You’re gonna fight.
Even if he’s The One. Even if your love is written in the stars.
The real question is:
How can you use your arguments as a tool for growth?
In this YBTV interview, love coach Emyrald Sinclaire teaches couples how to transform conflict and miscommunication into a deeper, more intimate relationship.
We don’t have to avoid conflict. We don’t have to be scared of getting angry.
What we need are the skills to consciously communicate … and Emyrald is going to show us how.
What You’ll Learn
Conscious communication is being able to clearly speak your needs and your desires, while at the same time remaining open and receptive to what the other person needs to express as well.”
Most couples don’t fight consciously. They just fight.
Emyrald understands. She’s been there.
I’ve been there when he was screaming in my face, when he was cursing at me… [I thought] How was this happening to me? This spiritually aligned love coach that thinks she has the love of her life? It was like getting hit by a bus.”
You can have the most amazing relationship with the most amazing man … and still butt heads in ways that leave you reeling.
Fighting is human, Emyrald says. None of us are perfect. “We are wrapped up in misperceptions, in hurt, in pain, in limiting beliefs. It’s just this beautiful mess that makes us human. But it means we can rub up against each other the wrong way, even if it’s the person you love most on the planet.”
Even though conflict is inevitable, we don’t have to resign ourselves to a relationship that feels like a battleground.
Instead, we can use conflict as an invitation to practice conscious communication skills.
That’s a different approach to what many couples do, which is try not to fight. Many of us are afraid of confrontation, because we’ve seen it break relationships apart. But Emyrald wants us to know:
Confrontation is not something to be scared of. It’s not something to be avoided. It’s a natural part of life. But how can you come at it in a clear, calm, conscious, centered way where you feel comfortable speaking your mind but you lovingly have open ears to hear the other person’s point of view as well?
Emyrald’s Conflict to Conscious Communication course teaches this skill set, so that couples don’t have to be afraid of fighting. They know their disagreements aren’t going to tear them apart.
Part of learning to disagree is not being afraid of the feelings that might come up.
The entire realm of emotions are there for a reason…. They are teachers. Our emotions are meant to be experienced, to be felt and released so we can move on. It’s when people repress the emotions and push them down … that it can come up in a different way, a more powerful and negative way, later on.”
Even anger is an okay feeling, as long as it’s expressed in a healthy way.
The goal is to learn to speak your truth while at the same time being open to understanding his truth. You communicate in order to find that middle ground or win-win solution.
But not every couple is as good at listening to each other as they are at speaking.
For many people, it’s more like: “I’m speaking to be right. I’m speaking to be heard. I’m only listening to you so that I can think in my mind about what I’m going to say in reply.”
When you begin learning to consciously communicate, you can skew too far the other way. You can take the idea that it’s better to be loving than to be right too literally.
There’s a balance. You don’t want to stop caring about whether you’re right, because you can be taken advantage of. But you don’t want to be unloving, either.
Understanding the differences between how man and women communicate can help, Emyrald says. Certain things you say can “trigger your masculine man, who truly wants to have his thoughts respected.” Similarly, certain things he says can trigger you, because you feel he’s not cherishing you.
Like all things, it comes down to practice.
Take time for the little things that show your partner you care. Keep in mind that “you are in your relationship because you love this person and they add more to your life, not so you can be nitpicky at each other and annoyed.”
Relationships don’t have to be a battleground. You don’t have to feel like a victim. You don’t have to feel like your feelings aren’t heard. You can have that amazing, spiritual, deep, loving connection.”
Jump to Topics of Interest
02:25 Emyrald’s personal story of overcoming conflict in her relationship
05:58 Why fighting happens in relationships – and why it offers an opportunity for growth
07:16 When you’re scared of confrontation
09:15 The role of anger in arguments
10:47 Conscious communication
12:09 What if we know we’re right and he’s wrong?
14:37 Gender differences in communication
15:56 It only takes one to change a relationship
17:12 Your greatest relationship is the one you have with yourself
Learn More about Emyrald’s work
We’re honored to have Emyrald as one of our guest authors here at Your Brilliance. Read more of her work.
About Emyrald Sinclaire
As an international speaker, author and love coach, Emyrald works with successful and spiritual business women who are tired of being alone, haven’t had time for a relationship and are absolutely ready (RIGHT NOW!) to learn the proven steps to attract in Mr. Right. Find out you can work with Emyrald.