The beginning of a new relationship is such a tricky time.
Everything you do and say is on trial.
You could make some offhand comment, and he’ll take offense, and you’ll get into a huge argument and it will be over.
Most of the time you don’t even know what you did that put him off!
You thought everything was fine, and suddenly he’s acting strange and not wanting to see you.
Now, I can’t read his mind and tell you what happened…
But what I CAN do is give you 3 general behaviors that don’t seem like a big deal but are a VERY big deal to men.
Behavior #1. You treat him like the center of your world.
Surely this is a good thing, right?
Isn’t it romantic to tell a guy that he’s everything to you? He’s your sunshine, he’s your reason for living, he’s what makes you wake up with a smile each morning.
When we fall in love with someone, we want them to know it. We want them to know just how much they mean to us.
But there’s a line between sweet romantic nothings and scary emotional dependence.
It’s not flattering for a guy to feel like your whole world revolves around him. It’s terrifying!
How would you feel if someone’s happiness was entirely dependent on you?
How would you feel if you were someone’s reason to live and you weren’t sure you wanted to be with them?
It’s too much pressure. It’s too much responsibility.
Guys don’t want to be responsible for your happiness.
They don’t want to be the center of your world.
They want to ADD to your life, not BE your life.
Instead of telling your guy that he’s everything to you, tell him that he makes your great life better.
You can say:
I’ve got a pretty great life, but it’s even better with you in it.”
Or tell him:
I’m usually a pretty happy person, but I’m even happier when I’m with you.”
He’s the frosting on top of your cake. He’s not the cake itself!
And if the relationship doesn’t work out, or if he’s got to go away, you’ll be just fine, because you’ve got a life already.
Behavior #2. You act like he’s perfect.
Now this one is kind of crazy, because surely everyone wants to have SOMEONE in their life who thinks they’re perfect!
What could be wrong with looking up to this guy and telling him how awesome he is?
When a guy feels like you’ve put him on a pedestal, he knows there’s a LONG way to fall.
He is destined to disappoint you, because there’s no way he’s as perfect as you think he is. He’s just an ordinary guy.
You’d think that a guy would be flattered by having a girlfriend who thinks he’s wonderful in every way. Don’t all guys like their egos stroked?
Absolutely! But there’s a huge difference between telling him he’s great in bed and telling him he’s everything you ever dreamed of.
No guy can live up to a woman’s dreams. If you’ve been dreaming of Prince Charming, then he knows you’re going to be mad when you find out you’ve mistaken this ordinary guy for a prince.
So go ahead and notice his flaws and mistakes. Notice where the two of you aren’t a perfect match. Poke fun at him a bit. Show him that you don’t expect him to be perfect—as long as he doesn’t expect YOU to be perfect, either!
He’d much rather be real with you and feel loved, flaws and all.
Behavior #3. You only value him for his relationship potential.
I see this so often.
Women go on dates with one primary objective: they want to see if this guy has relationship potential.
If he doesn’t, then they lose interest and they’re on to the next guy.
I get it. We’re all busy. We’re dating for a reason; we’re not doing it for fun.
But what this tells men is that they have to be USEFUL to a woman for her to show interest.
If he doesn’t fit into her well-laid plans for the future, she walks away without a second glance.
Psychotherapist Ken Page talks about “bringing the humanity back to dating,” and I think that’s particularly relevant here.
We’ve stopped seeing men as human beings who are worthy and likable REGARDLESS of whether they fit into our lives.
There’s so much judgment in dating. Guys can tell when you’ve sized them up and found them wanting. Guys can tell when you’re looking for something and you haven’t found it in them. They feel like they’ve disappointed you when you hardly know them.
Treat all guys as human beings worthy of getting to know.
If a guy doesn’t seem like he fits into your plans for the future, find out what his plans for the future are. Get excited for him.
Don’t get disappointed just because he doesn’t want what you want. He’s still a great guy, even if he’s not what you’re looking for.
When you’re able to treat all guys as “great guys,” regardless of whether you think you’ll end up together, EVERYTHING will change for you in love.
It’s magical when you give guys the benefit of the doubt. You like them regardless of how things turn out.
And if you see each other a few times and it becomes clear you want different things, you part on good terms. That gives you confidence, and it gives him confidence, too.
So don’t treat any guy like the center of your world.
He’s not perfect, and that’s OKAY.
He’s just an ordinary guy who may or may not be able to create something beautiful with you.