You can’t get hold of him. He’s not responding to your texts.
He always seems to be busy. He’s not as keen to make future plans.
Even when you’re together, he’s in his own world. You never really talk anymore.
Is he about to break up with you? Did you do something to turn him off?
Dating expert Nadine Piat is here to reassure you.
His distance may have less to do with you than it does with him.
Find out why men become distant and what you should do about it in this week’s YBTV interview.
What You’ll Learn
We often think that it’s a guy thing.
Men get distant on us. Men pull back. Men ghost on us.
But what we don’t realize is that we do it, too.
Women are more likely to talk about it, but “we don’t realize we could be dishing it out as well,” Nadine says.
“Because when it’s happening to you, it feels like your world is crashing down…. But sometimes we do distance ourselves from someone who likes us more than we like them … and it can also be very painful for the other person.”
Once we understand that everyone pulls back from time to time, we can get inside a man’s head and see that he’s pulling back for his own reasons, none of which may have anything to do with us.
Why Men Act Distant
Nadine lists several reasons why a man come across as distant.
He might really like you but not feel ready for a serious relationship. He might be seeing other women. He might just be a bit flaky, the type of guy who makes promises then forgets about them.
What’s important is that we don’t turn that around and make it about us. Taking a man’s distance personally is a recipe for disaster.
We can create a huge amount of stories and create a lot of extra pain within ourselves when we interpret certain things to mean something about us. A lot of the time, it’s not. It’s more of a reflection of the other person.”
It can be hard to sit back and do nothing when a man’s pulling away, but racing after him or confronting him can do more harm than good.
Remember the 3 W’s: whole, warm, and withstanding. Know you’re worthy, remain warm towards him, and draw on your emotional resilience. This helps you engage with him from a more empowered way.
“In a really good relationship,” Nadine explains, “you’ve got to stay empowered, so you don’t start leaking energy of neediness, insecurity, and defeat.”
When Men Disappear
Sometimes, men don’t just pull back.
They actually disappear on you, also known as ghosting.
Although we might be tempted to jump to the conclusion we’ve been rudely dumped, Nadine encourages us to take a step back and see that it may have more to do with what’s going on in his life than us.
He may be afraid of telling you what’s going on. He might be afraid of hurting you. He might not know how to have that difficult conversation.
He might conclude that ghosting will be easier on you than having that awkward conversation. He might really think he’s doing the best thing for both of you.
Of course, it doesn’t work that way, but your job is not to waste time wondering why he’s disappeared. Your job is to move on.
You just let it go and you move on and try not to let it affect you. That’s when you’ve really got to get into your own worth and value and know that you’re deserving of the most beautiful, connected relationship. There are men out there who don’t ghost. There are men out there who want a healthy, connected, loving, beautiful relationship.”
When He Pulls Back in a Relationship
When a man seems to be acting distant in your relationship, the worst thing you can do is assume something is wrong and challenge him about it.
Men pull back for any number of reasons, and it can happen even if you’re the warmest, loveliest partner ever. You may want to look at what’s going on in his life, or whether he feels criticized, or whether you haven’t set strong boundaries and he’s taking you for granted.
How you react to his distance can be a big factor in whether he decides to continue the relationship.
The danger lies in blaming or shaming him, or taking his behavior personally. You can absolutely mention something, but make sure to do so in a way that’s constructive rather than accusatory.
Nadine covers these topics and techniques like the 3 W’s in her Unlock His Heart program.
Jump to Topics of Interest
02:30 Why both men and women are becoming more distant than ever before
04:09 Why men in particular distance themselves
05:41 When he’s dating other women as well
06:56 Should you call a man out on his behavior?
08:04 The 3 W’s
12:32 How to talk to him about it in an empowered way
15:46 When he starts to withdraw in a relationship
18:15 Nadine’s “Unlock His Heart” program
20:45 A message for singles
About Nadine Piat
Nadine Piat is a dating and relationship coach dedicated to helping women awaken wholehearted love in their lives. She’s the creator of a number of bestselling programs that teach women how to effortlessly captivate the very best men, cultivate soulful love, and live a life filled with inner joy and unshakeable confidence. Find out you can work with Nadine.